#it just feels like a performance for no one. ok yeah good job you made chil look like a hairy 30 year old

[lycanr0t]

i feel very frustrated about the trend of giving chil body hair bc if it was any other anime twink i would be thrilled its just that it seems to only be because people are SO afraid of him looking young they have to make him hairy to justify liking him in ships.

meanwhile it does directly go against canon (he literally is supposed to look like a child. this is integral to both his character and his race's lore as a whole and it makes no damn sense that he would be mistaken for a child if he has body hair i mean. cmon.)

and it's like. some men are hairless. some men look young. when youre a trans man in your 20s-30s its especially common to be mistaken for a teenager, even more so if you're not on t. and short. these traits do not make you less of a man or an adult. :/

[butchlifeguard]

primrose's ch3 is GOOD btw

[bteezxyewriter12]

Wake Up

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Word count- 5.7k

Includes- Waking up Yoongi- dangerous lol, fingering, cock riding, pussy eating, face riding, cum eating, 69, blow job, deepthroating, cock riding, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie @realisticnotes @effielumiere @svnbangtansworld @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @marvelfamily3000 @amyz78 @blueie-things

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist 📝Yoongi Masterlist

Hobi POV

“Are you guys for real?”, Joanne asks incredulously

“Uh yeah”, Jungkook nods

“No way”

“Yes”, Jimin insists

“You’re all seriously scared of him?”

“Yeah Jo, he’s fucking scary”, I add

“I can’t believe it. You’re all scared to wake up Yoongi?”, she cracks up

“Yeah it’s not funny. Waking him up is like a death wish”, Namjoon says seriously

“I really can’t with you all”, she laughs

Joanne’s been my best friend since she moved to Korea from the U.S. when we were 13

We just clicked and stayed friends after high school

She’s been with me through everything for BTS

She convinced me to go back when I quit before our debut

She’s really good friends with the guys too

“Hey. He’s scary ok. He glares at you and yells when you wake him up”, Jin argues

“Oh my god”, she rolls her eyes, “I’ve woken him up before and he’s never yelled or been mean to me”

“Yeah that’s because-”, Tae starts

“It’s you Jo. You’re so nice he can’t yell at you. None of us can”, I cut Tae off, glaring at him

“Uh yea. That’s what I was gonna say Hoseok”, Tae answers

Yoongi doesn’t get mad at Joanne because he has a thing for her

I don’t know what it is about her or how much he feels for her but he never gets mad at her

He gets really shy around her and I always catch him looking at her

He says yes to anything she asks him, which isn’t much but he does whatever she wants

He’s even gone clothes and make up shopping with her when none of us wanted to go

She was gonna go alone but he volunteered to go with her

He’s so whipped

And she has no clue

She thinks he’s just really nice and easy going

And Tae was gonna blow up his spot

I doubt Yoongi wants anyone to tell her about his thing for her

Unless it’s him

“So you’re just gonna let him sleep even though you need him for…..whatever it is you need him for?”

“Uh practice. We’re supposed to have another practice for the performance we have in two days”, Namjoon answers

She just shakes her head

“You guys are crazy. I’ll wake him up.”, she says

Which is what we all want

He’ll be fine if she wakes him up

“Uh are you sure?”, Jungkook asks

“Yeah. He doesn’t yell at me. And if he does I’ll just yell back”, she shrugs

She’s not lying

She’s just as savage as him

And just as hard to wake up too

The times she’s slept over here, no one, not even Yoongi, wakes her up

We let her wake up on her own

“I’ll be back”, she says and walks towards his room

Once she’s out of earshot, Jimin sighs

“Thank god she’s going to wake him up. I didn’t want to lose rock, paper, scissors again”

“You could of just asked her and she’d say yes”, I point out

“Yeah but then she’d think we’re pussies”, Jungkook says

“She already does! You guys made it look like we are”, I answer

“Yeah well…shut up”, Jungkook says

I roll my eyes

“I guess we should get ready since he’ll be up soon”

“Yeah”

We all get up and go to our rooms to get ready

😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼

J POV

I walk to Yoongi’s room

I can’t believe the guys are scared to wake him up

It’s ridiculous

Bunch of pussies

I open his door, walk in and close it

I’ve woken Yoongi up before so it’s not a problem

I walk closer to his bed

He’s laying on his side and he’s snuggled in his blankets

He’s so beautiful

I��m so head over heels in love with him

He’s just perfect

I love his personality

I love how hard working he is and he’s gorgeous and sexy

His voice is amazing, his smile is breath taking

And his eyes

Fuck me, I love his eyes

I love looking into them and just stare

But I don’t want him to know

Or anyone

He wouldn’t want me anyway

I’m nothing special

At all

I’m not an idol, I’m not particularly talented

I’m not Korean and I know the Korean ARMYS will have a huge problem with that

I’m just a boring teacher for four year olds

No one knows how I feel about him

Not even Hobi

I just keep it to myself

I can’t handle the rejection that would definitely happen

So I just love him silently

It’s fine

I’ve been ok so far

I sit at the edge of his bed and call him

“Yoongi. The guys need you.”

He doesn’t move at all

I reach over and shake his arm a little but nothing

I sigh

I reach out and touch his hair

It’s so soft and silky even with all the dye jobs they get

I run my fingers in his hair and call his name again, “Yoongi. You gotta wake up. The guys need you”

He grunts and moves a little

“Yoongi, c'mon. Wake up”, I say a little louder

He opens his eyes, tiredly

“The guys need you for practice”, I say, my hand still in his hair

He shakes his head

“Yeah Yoongi. You gotta get up”

He shakes his head again, then grabs my hand and pulls me to him

His lips touch mine in a kiss

Fireworks explode in my vision just from his kiss

His lips feels so soft, so smooth and so good

His tongue slides in and I moan when his touches mine

Shit

I need to cut it out

I have no clue what’s going on but he’s kissing me so I kiss him back

His shifts and I’m laying next to him, facing him and still kissing him

His arms go around my body, while mine go around his neck

He pulls me up against him and his body feels so hard, so solid against mine

I fucking love it

I feel his hand in my hair and he pulls, pulling my head back

His lips leave mine while he starts kissing my neck

Holy crap, it feels so fucking good

“Fuck”, I whimper

“I want you Joanne”, he says between kisses

Jesus, he’s saying exactly what I wanted for such a long time

“Please. I wanted you for so long. I promise I’ll make you feel so good. Please”, he pleads

Fuck yes, I want him

If this the only time I can be with him, I’m taking it

“Yeah Yoongi. I want you too. So much”

I feel him smile against my skin

He moves his hand down my body and hooks his fingers in my pants and panties

He slowly pulls them down and when he goes as far as he can, I use my legs to push them off the rest of the way

I can’t believe this is happening

It’s what I dreamed of for so long

Yoongi keeps kissing my neck, while he opens my legs with his hand

He touches me and I fucking moan so loudly

“Fuck. So wet”, he murmurs

He starts moving his hand on my clit, playing

Pleasure shoots through my body

“Oh shit”, I cry

He moans and kisses my lips again

He slides his fingers inside and starts moving them

“Oh god, fuck Yoongi”

“Yeah baby”, he murmurs and his voice is such a turn on

He puts his thumb back on my clit and plays with it while he keeps moving his fingers in and out

God it’s so fucking good

He’s so good with his fingers

“I want you to cum”, he whispers in my ear

Holy shit

He’s getting me so fucking close

“Please jagi. For me”

He flicks my clit and his fingers go in the right spot

“Fuck Yoongi!”, I moan, coming on his fingers and my body shaking

I haven’t done anything sexual in a long time and it feels so good

He pulls his fingers out and whispers, “I want you on me so bad jagi. Please. I want to be inside you”

Him begging is such a turn on too and I instantly get so wet again

“Yeah baby ok. I want that too”, I answer

I get up and push him on his back, kissing him

I move down and pull his pants and boxers off

Jesus, mother of god, his cock is fucking huge

I’m going to have so much fun with him right now

I climb on him and swing one leg over his body

I lean over him and kiss him

Then I slide down his cock, reveling in the feel of him opening my pussy

Oh fuck he feels so good

So fucking hard, so thick and so big

He fits perfectly

“God Joanne, oh god, oh god, yeah”, he moans loudly

I slowly start moving up and down, listening to his cries of pleasure

I steadily move faster and harder every time I come down on him

“God Yoongi, you feel so good”, I whimper

He sits up, while I keep moving and pulls me for a kiss

Then he pulls my shirt up and off

Reaching around me, he undoes my bra in a second and throws it somewhere in his room

I suddenly feel his mouth on my nipple and it makes me so wet

“Fuck yes Jo. God you’re fucking soaking my cock jagi. You feel so goddamn good”

I moan from his words

Looking down I watch him suck on my nipples and it makes me so much more horny, my pussy leaking around his cock

After a few minutes, he lets go and I manage to get his shirt off

My god he’s fucking beautiful

My perfect everything

“God Yoongi, you’re fucking perfect. You’re so beautiful. And so fucking sexy”

“No I’m not. I’m nothing compared to you Jo. You’re fucking gorgeous. Fucking amazing.”

I snort

Yeah right

I like hearing him say that but it’s not true

“Jagi, look at me right now”, he demands

I stop moving and look at him

He reaches up and puts one hand in my hair, his other on my cheek

“You are so beautiful and you don’t even fucking know it. Your smile takes my breath away and makes me happy. You’re eyes jagi. God they’re my favorite physical thing about you. They’re so gorgeous. Everything about you is fucking amazing. Don’t ever think you’re not because you are”

He’s surprising me so much today

Looking in his eyes, I know he actually feels like that

I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that Min, Yoongi, Suga from BTS, who is around gorgeous idols all the time, thinks I’m beautiful

Me

Mind blown

I blush, “Thanks Yoongi. You’re beautiful too baby. I meant it when I said it. It’s so funny that you said my eyes are your favorite thing about me because your eyes are my favorite things about you. Physically at least. And I absolutely love your smile. When I see it, it makes my day better”

He smiles at me

“Fuck”, I breath, looking at him

I lean to him and kiss him

“I’m so lucky I can be with you”

“I’m the lucky one. I’m lucky you want me jagi. Do you know how much the guys want you? But I’m happy it’s me you want”

What?

The guys?

No way

What?

“Yeah Jo. They all want you. Even Hobi. But you’re with me and I’m so happy”, he smiles

He really is the perfect man

I kiss him passionately and he kisses me back, his hands running up my body and into my hair

He’s still hard and he’s still inside me, so I start moving again, bouncing up and down

My pussy is so wet, his cock makes a pretty squelching sound as I pull him inside me

“Ffff….fuck jagi. You feel good”, he groans

His eyes watch me ride him, his hands roaming all over my body, feeling so good

As I take his hard cock in again, I grind his head against my spot, bliss rushing in my body

My god the pleasure is so fucking amazing

I feel another orgasm coming

“Yeah Jo. Cum jagi”, he asks

Fuck

“Yes, Yoongi, yes!”, I yell, clenching his cock tightly and coming on him, stars bursting in my vision from the pure pleasure

He sits up, kissing my chest and my shoulders while I cum, holding me close to him

I don’t stop moving

I want him to cum too

But Yoongi lifts me off him by my hips

Before I can say anything, he lifts me up and lays down putting me over his mouth

Christ, he’s so strong

He puts his mouth on my pussy and starts to lick with his tongue

“Oh my fuck!”, I shout

His tongue is fucking amazing

I look down and watch him

His eyes are closed and he’s making moaning sounds

His arms are around my legs and holding them open

He’s so fucking hot

He moves his tongue and licks my clit over and over, making me tremble and yell

“My jagi likes it there huh?”, he teases

“Yes naekkeo. Yes. I like anything you do”, I groan

“Good. I like doing everything jagi”

He puts his tongue on my clit then closes his mouth and starts sucking

“Oh god Yoongi fuck”

His hands start moving all over me- my legs, my thighs, my ass, my sides, my stomach

And he keeps slurping on my clit, the sound so erotic

“Yes Yoongi don’t stop. Oh shit please don’t stop.”

He keeps going and I’m right fucking there

He sucks hard and I cum, screaming loudly, “Yoongi. Yes. Yoongi!”

He keeps licking and I hear him moan, “Jesus, tastes so good”

Seriously?

He likes it?

“You taste so fucking good”, he whimpers

Fuck

😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼

Yoongi POV

She moans after I tell her how good she tastes

She really fucking does

I can eat her out all day

I don’t fucking know how this happened

How I ended up being with her

I woke up to her voice calling me

I felt her fingers in my hair and I opened my eyes to her gorgeous face

And I just wanted to kiss her

So I did

I’m so tired of pretending I don’t love her. I love her so much

I’m so fucking in love

She’s all I think about

I never felt like this for anyone

I’m so fucking whipped for her and we’re not even together

I just want her, just once if that’s all I can get

She climbs off me

“Hey!”, I protest, “I want more”

“I want you”, she answers and licks her lips

Oh fuck that’s so hot

I nod, “Ok. Come here”

She comes over and I grab her, moving her into the 69 position

I still want to lick her and she wants me so it’s the perfect solution

I instantly feel her take all of me in her mouth and pleasure explodes in my body

I feel myself slide down her mouth in her throat

How is she not choking?

Not that I’m fucking gigantic or anything but most girls usually gag or choke if they deepthroat someone

She starts moving her head and sucking

“Oh shit”, I moan

She’s so good with her mouth

And she’s still not gagging

Shit, that turns me on so much more

Looking at her pussy, I see she’s wet again and I want her

I pull her to my mouth and lick her

She shivers over me and I love it

It’s so hard to concentrate because of what her mouth is doing to me, licking me up and down

“God damn fuck”, I yell

She giggles

It’s so fucking cute

“My Yoongi likes it?”

Her Yoongi?

Hell yeah, I’ll be her Yoongi

“Fuck yeah jagi”, I answer

“Good”

She starts sucking on my head and jerking me off with her hand

The pleasure is fucking immense

I go back to her and lick her clit

She fucking loves it there

She moans loudly on my cock and it feels fucking good

“Oh god baby girl”, I moan

Taking her clit in my mouth, I suck on her

God she tastes so good

I love my tongue on her

Pleasure shoots all over when she starts licking the underside of my head

It’s fucking really sensitive there and it feel fucking amazing

I can cum so easily from being pleasured there

“Fuck Yoongi, you’re cock got so fucking hard when I lick you there”

“Don’t stop jagi, please don’t stop”, I beg her

She kisses my head, “Don’t worry Yoongi I won’t. I like making you feel good”

Fuck she’s the best

Feeling her tongue slide on that area makes me shake and all my nerves are on fire

I’m trying to eat her out too, but I can’t do it well because I can’t do anything but feel what she’s doing to me

I lick her but I have to stop again

She licks that spot again and I fucking lose it

“Oh fuck, Joanne, fuck”, I shout, coming hard down her throat

As soon as I start to cum, she slides all of me in her mouth again and starts sucking

“Oh my god!”, I yell

I feel her swallow over and over and it feels so good on me

As soon as I finish, I pull her to my mouth again and suck on her clit

She screams on my cock since I’m still in her mouth

God I love it

She takes me out of her mouth and puts her forehead on my thigh

“God baby”, she moans, her hands clutching my thighs tightly

Fuck, I want her to cum

Letting go of her clit, I slide my tongue up and down her wet pussy

She starts to shake and I know she’s closer

Stopping, I kiss her pussy and she moans

“C'mon jagi”

Another kiss

“I want you to cum”

I kiss her again

“You’re so good and I want to taste you again”

“Shit Yoongi”

“So cum for me”

“Yes Yoongi. Yes”, she agrees, “Please, I want your tongue on me baby. I love it baby”

Fuck hearing her beg is hot

Putting my tongue on her, I wait

“Yoongi! Please!”, she begs

Fuck her legs are shaking so much

Finally, I move my tongue, sliding up and she fucking explodes

“Yoongi”, she screams, “Yoongi ahhh fuck”

Yes

I taste her as she cums and I moan from how good she is

Holding her hips, I keep her on my mouth, licking everything and fucking loving it

“Yoongi oh fuck”, she yells

Yes

Fuck yes

I let her go when she finishes and she climbs off, laying next to me

I turn to her and kiss her

She puts her arms around me, pulling me closer

“You taste so good Yoongi”, she whispers to me

Oh my god

“I…uh…really?”

“Yeah Yoongi. I’ve never uh…swallowed before but I just love the way you taste and I wanted to. And you’re so good”, she murmurs, kissing my cheek, then my jaw

Jesus Christ, she’s trying to kill me

And making me hard

She kisses me down my neck and her lips feel so good on my skin

“I love how pale you are Yoongi. You’re so beautiful baby”

Fuck she makes me feel so good

Even with just words

No one has ever said anything like that to me or been as affectionate as she’s being

She runs her hands up and down my body, touching my chest, stomach, my back and arms

Her hands on me feel amazing

I want to tell her how much I love her But I can’t

I’m too scared

Her hands go lower and she palms my hard on

“Again Yoongi?”, she giggles

“Yeah”, I say shyly

“Ok naekkeo. I want you again too”

Thank god

I want her on top of me but I’m nervous to ask her

She kisses me again, her tongue sliding in my mouth and feeling so good

I just need to ask her

“Jo, uh, can you…”, I trail off

“Can I what naekkeo? Just ask me”, she encourages

‘Just do it’, I tell myself

“Can you uh ride me again? I uh really love it and I can see you and you look so fucking hot and uh…”

She smiles at me and my heart bursts with love

“Yeah Yoongi. Ok”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and smile at her

“Fuck you’re smile Yoongi. I love it”, she blushes

I can’t help but keep smiling and pull her to me for a kiss

She pushes me on my back while she kisses me and climbs on top of me

She sits up and slowly sinks down on my cock, her tight cunt opening just for me

“Yes Joanne. Oh god. Yes”, I yell

God she feels so good

So tight on me

So fucking wet

She gets all of me in and my hands automatically go on her hips

“I’m gonna make you feel so good Yoongi”

I fucking know she is

I have no fucking doubt

She slides up my cock, then back down, pleasure exploding all over me and I yell from the feeling

“Yeah baby. I love hearing you”, she moans

Fuck

I don’t usually make too much noise but she’s making me feel so good I can’t help it And if she likes it, I’m gonna give it to her

I don’t care how I sound

Not with her

I’m not embarrassed

I want her to know she’s making me feel amazing

She keeps moving and every time she moves harder and faster

“Fuck Joanne, you’re fucking amazing. You make me feel so good”

She smiles at me

She’s so fucking breathtaking

She moves up and I feel her tighten on my head, so fucking tight and then she slides down

“Oh fuck! Oh shit!”, I scream

The pleasure I’m feeling just fucking shot though the roof

“Jagi, oh my god, you feel so fucking good. Fuck”

“Hmmmm”, she cries

I watch her and my breath is knocked from my lungs

She’s looking down at me, her hair over one shoulder, and she’s biting her lower lip

I feel her pussy squeezing me

She’s close and I want nothing more than for her to cum again

“I want you to cum on me jagi. Please Jo, I want it so bad”, I plead

I don’t care about begging her

It’s her and I feel safe with her

“Yoongi”, she moans

“Please jagi, cum on me”

I feel her get so fucking tight when she cums

“Yoongi oh god”, she screams

Her body shakes and her back arches

So fucking sexy

“Yes jagi, yes”, I yell too

God I love when she cums on me, it feels so good

She keeps moving on me, bouncing, her pretty boobs bouncing in my face

“Oh Yoongi, fuck yes, you feel good”

I want more

When she comes back down, I thrust up and slide in so deep

“Ohhhhh ffffuuuuccck!”, she cries

Yes

Fuck yes

“Scream for me jagi”, I ask

I keep slamming up in her and she screams with each thrust

God, I love her screaming

“Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi!”, she screams my name

She’s gripping my wrists that’s on her hips so tight

I keep thrusting in her cunt, splitting it wide open

I feel her clench on me over and over, so fucking tightly, sucking my cock inside her every time

She’s just shouting wordlessly and breathing hard

I want to get her to cum again

She stopped moving, so I lift her by her hips and slam her on me when I thrust up

“Again jagi, I want it again”

She moans

“Please Jo, please, cum on my cock. Now!”

“Yoongi!”

She cums so hard and I have to grab her to keep her from falling

“Good girl”, I yell, “Fuck my good girl”

“Yoongi”, she gasps, “Oh naekkeo”

“My good girl”, I moan

She starts slamming herself down on me again

The pleasure I’m feeling just fucking increases

She holds on my cock so tightly while she moves

Fuck I’m right there

She just has to move a little more

“Jagi, I’m…fuck…”

“Yes Yoongi. Cum baby. I want it”, she yells

Fuck, I want to cum so bad

“Jagi I…I…I wanna cum inside. Please Jo, c..ccccc….can I cum inside?”

“Yes Yoongi, fuck yes!”

She bounces again and fuck, that’s it

“Joanne, fuck, fuck”, I scream, holding her on me and releasing so fucking hard inside her, ecstasy blinding me

It’s the best orgasm I ever fucking had, the pleasure lasting for a little longer than normal

She’s leaning over me, her hands on my shoulders, trying to breath and her eyes are closed

“Come here Jo”, I call, when I finish

She opens her eyes and I lift her up, laying her next to me on the bed

I turn to her and cuddle into her side, laying my head on her chest

I’m so happy when she wraps her arms around me

I feel her hand slide in my hair

I love that, it feels good

I felt her playing with my hair when I was sleeping and I loved waking up to see it was her touching my hair

I close my eyes and just feel her arms around me

After a little while, she says, “Yoongi, the guys need you for practice”

I’m half asleep and just barely hear her

“Sleep”, I murmur

“Uh Yoongi-”

“No, Jo. Sleep. I want you. Stay with me”

I just want to stay in her arms

I don’t want to be anywhere else

Fuck practice

I finally have her with me

I want to stay with her as long as possible before I have to let her go again

“But they…”

“Please Jo. I love you.”

Fuck fuck

Why did I say that?

Why?

It’s because I’m half asleep and I just fucking blabbed

This is bad but I should just fucking admit it

No matter what I say now, her answer will be the same

Rejection here I come

“Uh Yoongi-”

“I love you Joanne. So much. I wish you loved me too”, I murmur

She’s silent

I don’t want to look at her and see the rejection she’s going to give me

“I want you. I’ve wanted you for so long. I wish you’d see me and want me too.”

“Yoongi I…”, she trails off

Here it comes

I brace myself

“Yoongi I do love you. In love with you. And I do want you”, she says quietly

My eyes snap open, I’m instantly awake

WHAT?

Is she for real?

Please don’t let her be joking

I can’t handle it if she’s joking

“I’m in love with you too”, I answer quietly

“Holy shit, I can’t believe it”, she whispers

I lift my head and look at her

She looks at me with wide eyes and I just spill everything

“Yeah Jo. For a long time. I’ve wanted you to be with me for a long time. I was so scared to tell you”

Her mouth drops

“Were….were you serious when you said you’re in love with me too?”, I ask quietly

I need to know if she’s serious

Because if she is then I’m making her mine right now

She nods immediately

“Yes Yoongi. I am. I love you so much. For a long time too. I uh was never going to tell you. I thought you’d never want me”

“Why not?”, I ask, completely confused

“Because I’m no one”

Is she fucking kidding?

She’s no one?

She’s so wrong

She doesn’t know she’s my everything

For years

“What? Yes you are”

“No I’m not. I’m not an idol. I’m not talented. I’m not Korean. I’m boring. Plain. Ordinary. I’m nothing special”, she answers

“Stop. You are special. To me. You don’t need to be any of those things. You just need to be you. That’s what I want. You. You’re everything to me.”

The shock in her eyes makes me sad and upset that she really thinks those things about herself

“You’re my everything too Yoongi. For so long and you didn’t know it”

Fuck I could of had her all along if I wasn’t such a scared baby

I’m gonna fix that right now

“Joanne, be with me. Be mine. I love you so much. All I want is you.”

“Yes Yoongi. Yes. I just want you”

Smiling, I kiss her lips softly

“Yoongi the guys still need you”, she says after the kiss

“I don’t care jagi. I want to nap with my girlfriend"

The smile on her face when I say that is beautiful and I love that I make her smile like that

“Can we?”, I ask

“Yea anything for my boyfriend”, she answers back

I feel a huge smile break on my face

I’m her boyfriend

This is what she probably felt when I called her my girlfriend

Like I’m on top of the world

She gives me a quick kiss, then lays her head back down

I lay my head back on her chest, loving being in her arms

She runs her fingers in my hair

It feels amazing and I’m starting to get really sleepy

“I love you”, she whispers to me

I hug her tighter

“I love you”, I tell her

I finally fall asleep with the girl that I love

😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼

Hobi POV

“Where the fuck did she go?”, Jin demands

“It’s been almost an hour”, Tae complains

We’ve all been waiting in the living room watching some movie that’s playing on the tv

Joanne should of been able to get Yoongi up by now

“Go check Hoseok. She might be having a hard time getting him up”

“Aw c'mon, why me?”, I whine

“Because she’s your best friend dummy. And I don’t want to be anywhere near Yoongi when he wakes up”, Namjoon answers

“Fine”, I grumble and get up

Fucking ridiculous

I get to his room and open the door

“Holy shit”, I gasp

When did this happen?

How did we not hear this?

Joanne is still in his room

But she’s asleep

And Yoongi is laying on top of her, on her chest

Asleep too

And they’re both naked

Her arms are around him, one around his neck, the other in his hair

One of his arms is around her body and I know his other is too

The blanket is pushed down, just barely covering them

I just stare with my mouth dropped open

They…

What…

How?

When?

They had….then laid down…..and fell asleep

I can’t wrap my head around this

I see Yoongi move and I quickly hide behind the door

Shit, I forgot to close it

Hopefully they won’t notice

“Yoongi?”, I hear her call groggily, “Where are you going?”

“No where jagi, I’m just moving”, he says sleepily

Jagi?

Did he really call her jagi?

He always said he would never call his girlfriend any cute pet names

But he’s calling her jagi

I can’t

“Naekkeo”, she whines

What the fuck is going on?

She’s calling him naekkeo?

Are they together?

“Come here jagi”, Yoongi calls

I hear them moving around

Then, “Go back to sleep jagi. I love you”

Oh my god, no fucking way

He loves her?

I thought it was just a thing he had for her

Like a crush

I had no idea he was in love

“I love you naekkeo”, she answers

I’m so shocked

She’s my best friend and she never even hinted that she felt this way for him

Why didn’t she tell me?

I would of helped her

It’s quiet for a few minutes

Then I dare to move to close the door and I pray they’re asleep

I glance back in as I close the door

She's cuddling into Yoongi’s side with her head on his chest and her body half on him

They’re both holding each other so tightly

‘Holy fuck’, I think ask I close the door

I’m jealous but I’m happy that they found each other especially since they love each other

I walk back into the living room

“Well?”, Jimin asks annoyed

“Yeah, he’s not coming”, I answer

“What? He has to”, Jin argues

“He’s asleep”, I say

“The fuck Hoseok? He’s getting up right now”, Namjoon yells, getting up

“I uh wouldn’t go to his room”

“Why not?”

“Because he uh and Joanne are asleep”

“What? She’s sleeping too? She was supposed to get him up!”, Jungkook exclaims

“Yeah well uh I guess she got tired”

“From what? Walking to his room?”, Tae says sarcastically

“Uh no”

“Hoseok what the fuck? What aren’t you saying? Just tell us”

This is so not what I want to do

I don’t want to tell them

“They uh…they’re sleeping…uh…without any clothes on”

Silence for a few seconds

Then

“WHAT?”

“You’re not serious?”

“Really?”

“What the fuck?”

“Uh yeah.”, I answer blushing

I really don’t want to talk about my friends being together

“They had sex?”, Jungkook asks

“No they played cards”, I roll my eyes, “Of course Jungkook”

“He’s so fucking lucky”, Jimin sighs

What?

“Yeah. I wish it was me”, Tae adds

“What the fuck?”, I ask

“Oh please Hoseok. She’s hot and we all want her. You too, don’t deny it. But Yoongi got her first”

“Yeah I don’t think it’s just sex to them”

“Why do you say that?”, Jin questions

“Because they woke up to move around. Because he called her jagi and she called him naekkeo”

“WHAT? He called her jagi? Holy shit, that’s big! He always said he’d never do that”, Namjoon exclaims

I nod, “And uh, before they went back to sleep, they uh told each other they love each other”

“No shit. Yoongi found someone he loves”, Jungkook says astonished

“Wow. He fell in love. And he’s so lucky she feels the same. I’m actually happy for them”, Jimin says

“Looks like he’s not coming to practice”, Jin mumbles

“No. He’s not. I wouldn’t risk waking him up when he’s with her. Not when they’re naked together. And it’s suicide to wake her up on a normal day. I’m not dying today”, I shrug

“Ok well, I guess we should just go. We still have to practice. Let them have a night together”, Namjoon says

I nod and we all get up, leaving them in the dorm to sleep

[0cta9on]

Hi I hope this is ok for you a fluffy short with cute younger girlfriend winter with her older boyfriend malereader having fun at Aespa back stage with the members playing games

Hello yoohyeons-puppy98! Fluff requests are absolutely okay :] I don't exactly know what backstage at a concert looks like, so I just kinda winged in :> Hope you like it regardless!

Everyone told you it wasn't possible, the relationship would never last. Maybe they're right and you're just too stubborn to listen, clinging onto what could already be falling apart at the seams. But none of that matters right now. Minjeong—er, Winter is going on stage soon and you want to show your support without worrying her.

You knock on the door, carrying plastic bags full of snacks for the girls. Their manager warned you about their diets, but a little snack before performing never hurt anyone. At least, you hope not.

"Baby!" The door swings open, revealing Winter's ecstatic look as she runs to you, arms wide open. As you swing her around in your embrace, the two of you giggling like schoolchildren, you're reminded all at once why you put so much effort to be here in the first place.

"Hello, my love," you say, smiling from ear to ear. "You look gorgeous."

"Thank you." She plants a delicate kiss onto your cheek, spreading her warmth to your entire body. "Our makeup artist did such a good job, didn't she?"

"I doubt she'd have a hard time making you look beautiful," you quip, earning a playful slap on your shoulder. "Oh, I stopped by the store on my way here and got some snacks for you and your friends. I don't know what they like, so I just got one of everything."

"Aww, that's very sweet of you. Come inside, I'm sure the girls will want to meet you!"

Winter pulls you into the green room, which you can only describe as "organized chaos" as an array of staff members run around doing their jobs while the rest of her members goof off on the couches. Despite there only being three of them, they somehow manage to stay the loudest in the room with their cackling laughter amidst the hum of last-minute preparations.

"Guys!" Winter calls out to them, grabbing their attention. "My boyfriend is here with some snacks!"

"H-hello." You awkwardly wave at them as they get up to greet you. Even though you've talked to them in passing while on Facetime with Winter, you can't help but feel a little starstruck at meeting celebrities in person. On top of that, their intricate stage outfits and fierce makeup looks only made them look more intimdating.

"Wah, thank you!" Karina says, taking the bags from your hands and placing them on the table. "I need something sweet before we go up on stage."

"Winter, your boyfriend should play mafia with us!" NingNing suggests. Winter hops with excitement while you offer her a quizzical look.

"Uh, what's mafia?" You ask.

"It's a fun game we like to play while we wait. C'mon, I'll tell you the rules."

"Oh, uh, I don't know, I'm not really good at these kinds of things," you shyly admit. She cups your face gently, calming your nerves with a simple look. You're supposed to be the one calming her down before she has to perform, yet here you are, getting all nervous about a silly game with her friends.

"It's okay, baby. It'll be fun, I promise," she soothes.

"Yeah, we don't bite," Giselle adds, smirking. "Maybe Karina might- Ow!"

"Yah!" The two get into lighthearted cat fight, spiraling into even more laughter from NingNing who watches from a safe distance.

"Maybe I should sit this one out," you joke. With a grin, Winter pulls you towards the couches, adamant that you join in on the fun.

At most, you probably spent 20 minutes with them, playing and joking around like you're children at a playground and not full grown adults jobs and responsibilities. Yet somehow, it feels like hours pass by in a blink of an eye. Even if you can't see each other often, it's comforting to know that Winter is surrounded by such great friends. Like all good things, this too must come to an end.

"Girls, be on standby! The concert is starting soon," their manager announces, earning a wave of disappointment from them. Even you feel a little bad about having to end the fun already.

"You'll be watching, right?" Winter asks while the rest of them get ready.

"Of course, my love," you assure her. "I'll be front and center, cheering you on louder than everybody there."

She giggles, blessing your cheek with a kiss. "Give some cheers to the rest of the girls too, it's not a solo concert y'know."

"Hmm, maybe I can give them a shout or too," you quip, earning an overdramatic glare from the rest of the girls. You chuckle awkwardly, offering a supportive thumbs up.

Winter holds your face with a gentle touch, tracing your face with longing. You know what that look means. Your heart breaks every time you have to see it.

"We'll get dinner after the concert, okay? Just you and me," you say softly.

She sighs, wrapping you up in a warm embrace. "I wish we could do more than just dinner. I wish I could stay with you forever."

You blink away the tears building in your eyes. No point in trying to make her feel worse. "Me too," is all you can utter without giving away the cracks in your voice.

"Winter," her manager says. "We have to go. The people are waiting."

She breaks away from you slightly before capturing your lips in a tender, heartbreaking kiss. It's brief and fleeting, yet the velvety feeling of her lips stays imprinted in your mind like a fond memory. She gives you a brief smile before following her members out the door, waving at you right as it shuts behind her.

Goodbyes are always the hardest, especially when you don't know the next time you'll get to see her, but you know in your heart that you'll reconvene like no time has passed at all. You'll get to see that smile and hear that laugh again, that same one you've adored for years. This love may be difficult and exhausting and downright painful at times, but nothing in this world is more gratifying than being the one to hold her heart. Despite the odds, you'll do anything and everything to protect her.

[tedwardremus]

Peter Pettigrew Headcanons

He came from a working-class family. Raised by a single mum

He doesn’t know his father

While he did not grow up in a blood supremacist family he grew up with the same prejudices and assumptions that many wizarding families have about muggles. He finds them odd and different. 

Peter was one of those kids who lit ants on fire and threw rocks at people while standing on bridges. Being mean = power = being important

Definitely heard his mum or grandparents say muggle-borns have it easy or get extra benefits from the government (which isn’t true) and that’s why Peter’s mum has to work so hard.

Very excited to befriend Sirius and James because of their families' positions in wizarding society. He’ll be cool and popular by association

Yes, Sirius family are dicks to him but he doesn’t understand why he’d give up such a cush life and run away. Thinks Sirius doesn’t know how lucky he has it

Has always enjoyed playing mind games with his friends and other people to make himself have better favor in group dynamics

Was always the best at getting out of detention and coming up with lies on the spot

Made the rudest jokes out of the marauders 

He isn’t dumb. He just isn’t good at school. He became an animagus at 15. He is powerful, OK? Upset that no one sees it and he can’t really brag about being an illegal animagus.

Really likes that he’s the one that gets to push the knob on the whomping willow. Makes him feel indispensable.

James and Sirius mature in 6th and 7th year and their jokes aren’t so cruel anymore. Peter is caught off guard when they start (lightly) calling him out on some of his jokes. (I thought you’d find it funny? Why aren’t you laughing anymore? What, James you get a girlfriend and you can't be fun anymore?)

The slowdown in bullying is also combined with James, Remus, and Sirius's political awakening and further interest in fighting against Voldemort. Peter starts to feel alienated from their discussions. Peter is a-political at best

And like yes, James, dark magic is bad but isn’t it also cool? Like did you hear about the man who turned a bunch of dead bodies into snakes? Or did you hear about the spell that turns your guts inside out? Isn’t that impressive?? I bet you could learn that spell James, you’re powerful enough, right?

After Hogwarts Sirius and James live off their family money and devote themselves to the order full time. After Remus gets fired from a job James starts supporting him financially. Peter doesn’t have the luxury (looks like werewolves get benefits just like muggle-borns. Poor Pete is always left out)

Pete gets a job at the quidditch league offices which he thinks will be lots of fun and exciting, maybe he can swing tickets for him and his friends

But the job is really boring. He is tracking how much teams spend and data entry is the worst.

His order assignments are just as dull. He doesn’t go out on duels or covert operations. Dumbledore instructs him to get intell on Ministry offficals and Peter grows resentment, he wants to be more useful like his friends.

He gets further separate from his core group of friends as James marries Lily and eventually goes into hiding (peter thinks James is foolish for getting Lily pregant. way to mess up our fun, James!), Remus is doing super secret werewolf stuff, Sirius is off on his own order missions plus becoming increasingly protective of the potters. 

Peter starts meeting up with people at work, not death eaters but just a few people with storng ideas, and he’s like yeah, these guys are right muggle-borns and half-breeds are ruining our society

And he doesn’t hate Lily and Remus, no they are seperate from the developing idelogy. 

But then after a while his intell gathering and workmate meet-ups start to become his only social settings. And he is agreeing more and more with what they are saying

And he impresses the people he is gathering intell on with some of his knowledge on dark spells (not that he’s every performed them. He’s just interested in reading about them)

Its been a long time since Sirius and James found him impressive or amusing 

He goes to a couple of meet ups, and then a couple more

He enjoys these meetings more than order meetings. He doens’t feel underappreciated. 

He gets invited to a bigger meeting and oops its got full on known death eaters attending

James and Lily are fully in hiding. Voldemort is wining the war. 

Peter thinks he might as well just do what he needs to do to survive, everyone else is doing the same. But he's not going to be like James and hide like a coward.

And if he is going to survive he is going to be useful, important. In a better position than he was in the order. And then he’ll use that new position to help his friends when the war is over. He is so clever!

He willingly becomes a spy for Voldemort. He enjoys it. Its the best he ever felt about himself. He has secrets and information. He’s important.

He gets tested on his loyalty and is told to kill order members.

He actually enjoys murdering people (he is a serial murder in the books!) Reminds him of the same feeling he got when he threw rocks off of bridges but bigger.

He continues to climb up the Death Eater power structure. He enjoys watching the chaos unfold in The Order as they can’t figure out who the spy is

James asks him to be his secret keeper. He has a choice to make and he shows who he really is. He chooses power and manipulation over protecting people he used to (supposedly) love

And while this was all going on its important to remember that James, Remus, and Sirius all would have died for Peter. He was their friend. The betrayal is painful. The radicalization went unnoticed

[saxandviolins77]

I have a feeling most people don't actually care for Bonecrusher's character, so I made a little post talking about what I find interesting about him.

Enjoy 😙.

I know for a fact that Hook, Mixmaster, and Scavenger are the most popular out of the Constructicons and that's fine, but I feel most people don't really KNOW what makes Bonecrusher interesting as a character.

OK, I'll be fair here and say that most of his substantial character traits come from obscure stuff or are not developed, but his most obscure bio is used on his TFwiki description... so... Not that hidden.

Take his Sunbow writer's guide page, for instance. It establishes that he is destructive and brutish, but more importantly than that, his job is a performance to him, an art form if we can put it this way. That already paints a whole different picture of him. Yes, he is violent, but he's also a self-proclaimed artist.

Even in the cartoon, Bonecrusher doesn't act like a thug (I hate this word), as most people and IDW2019 portray him. He's surprisingly stoic (yeah, I didn't take it from nowhere). He's violent, sure, but he's also dedicated to the task at hand. Take G1's "The Autobot Run", an episode that feels like the writer was faithful to the guides. In said episode, while Long Haul is the one wanting to fight directly, Bonecrusher comes and admonishes him, talking about how the device they are building will "wreck those Autobots good," as he puts it. (Bonecrusher has sparingly appearances and lines in G1, but most of those lines are of him being violent or him just going about his work day.)

This for me is the cream of the crumb of Bonecrusher's canonical characterizations, directly from Transformers: The Ultimate Guide by Simon Furman himself. Aside from that, this book has some pretty innovative things for the Constructicons; the fact that this was written by the same person who wrote the Dreamwave bios makes it feel like a natural expansion of what's already established. Though, for whatever reason, Furman focuses a lot on the "survival of the fittest" part of Boner, like, I know... '86 Movie! But C'mon!

(The Dreamwave bio was omitted due to redundancy.)

Now, in my personal opinion, you can see a pretty interesting base for a character. A perfectionist who expresses his desire for perfection by violently destroying everything he considers flawed. A performance artist in his own right.

The only thing I outright reject from Canon is the fact that he has a 3 in intelligence and a meager 6 in skill. Well, color me fucking surprised! He must be a very shitty DEMOLITIONS SPECIALIST. I sound petty, but I simply feel he shouldn't be dumb as bricks ( I also don't need him to be Hook levels of smart.) Keep him a brute, but a competent brute who actually does his job well. (take this with a grain of salt; I have a very weak suspension of disbelief when it comes to jobs not being portrayed accurately.)

Either way, I just wanted to shine a light on what I like about the Boner guy. Have a fine day/evening/night. 🥱

[dutchdread]

A small rant

I've noticed that a lot of places that discuss the LTD are less focussed on analyzing and explaining final fantasy VII, and more focussed on throwing insults at either the characters, or the people who support them. I think I've done a fairly good job at making sure this place stays relatively matter-of-fact, and despite believing that "Cloti" is the only interpretation of the story that makes sense I am usually pretty positive about Aerith as a person, and more importantly, as a character. My stance tends to be that the only version of Aerith I think is fundamentally unlikable is the one presented by Cleriths. So permit me to slightly backtrack on that as I ask:

Am I the only one getting sick of Aeriths character?

And I don't mean "the only Cloti supporter who is sick of Aerith", I mean isn't the general fanbase of the game getting sick of her?

I ask this because I was watching the new Rebirth trailer, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes during the scenes where Aerith sings, or where it tries to survival-bait the viewer. In FFVII Aeriths death plays only a small part in the grand scheme of things. It neither prevents nor causes holy, holy was summoned before she died and is actually held back by the will of Sephiroth, which is the bulk of the external plot. And it doesn't cause Clouds mental break, which was an inevitable outcome of his history with Tifa, Sephiroth, and Nibleheim.

So why does the trailer make it feel like Final Fantasy VII is the story of Aeriths potential death? I thought the point of Aeriths death was that it comes suddenly and unexpectedly, without a large fan-fare, leaving nothing but a hole in its wake. I thought the point was to show a death that wasn't like "in hollywood". So why does her death now get it's own musical accompaniment and stage play?

Aerith was once a normal girl with a big destiny, one that she was as unsure of as any of us, she was just a person, just like us, with maybe a hint of something more. She got angry, she could be petty, she could be clueless. In another words, she was human.

But what is she now?

Aerith is now Jesus and Mary all in one. Fans got so upset at her death that Square-enix felt the need to include her in everything and every time Aerith became a bit less human, and a bit more idolized, until in remake she became a walking, talking, deus ex machina. In advent children she was presented as almost angelic, giving guidance to lost souls both good and bad and healing the children. But it was still ok because most of it was centered around Clouds psyche. The problem isn't with Aeriths death having importance to Cloud. The problem is square-enix trying to milk Aeriths death for all it's worth, making it into a soulless spectacle.

Aeriths death is now the horror monster that loses its terror once you see it. It's everywhere and everything has to revolve around it and because of it it's no longer a good story, but cheap emotional manipulation.

Within the remake Aerith is no longer the playful and innocent GIRL she once was. She's Gandalf the white, come back from the dead to pass down quests and wisdom from up on high. Step aside Cloud, this is Aeriths story, all you other side-characters are only here for back-up. Aerith is now a self-insert fan-fiction character. She has no flaws, everyone loves her, her death is more important than those of other people, the universe, time, and destiny will all bend to make sure the Mary-godessue doesn't die. Because everything has to revolve around her you know? So yeah, of course Aerith can sing! Who cares that there was never before any indication of this. Sure, Tifa will probably get to play the piano, but here is the thing….Tifa being able to play the piano has actually always been a part of the game! Since when is Aerith suddenly a broadway performer? Probably since the same time that she became a picasso at random wall art.

Years of fan obsession have deified away everything that once made Aerith interesting. The grand story of Final Fantasy VII, the quest to save the planet, and the internal heroes journey about accepting the past and the true self. Clouds backstory and struggles, it's all overshadowed by the once irrelevant plotpoint of "will Aerith die?".

Like with Sephiroth, fan obsession has caused square-enix to destroy all sense of mystery, magic, and restraint in order to "give fans what they want", even if it ruins the product.

While I think the cheap spectacle of hyper focussing the marketing and potentially early game around Aeriths death have already essentially poisoned the remake, making it into a mere shadow of what it could have been, I still believe that Square-enix has enough integrity left to actually kill her and move focus back on what actually matters. But I have to say, at this point it's not even just because I want the story of FFVII to be protected and experienced as it should be. But also because I am just getting sick and tired of what Aerith has become, and would now consider Sephiroth stabbing her as a mercy killing for what's left of her character.

[lyss-sketchbox]

Have you played through Natlan a little bit yet? Because I love it except for one thing. Does the Archon quest feel...off to you? At least the first act. Specifically the character introductions and character acting?

Funny thing actually i JUST finished it last night!

Well uh spoilers ahead

I think its... alright-ish? Act 1 basically sets you up with the basics, the characters, the culture, the traditions, and lore so we know whats up. Cool. We are literally being fed information because we are tourists and i can excuse that.

Idk how to feel about traveller and paimon literally going 'ah look, an opportunity has arised, its time to do our thing and help with this major event'. I mean yes thats how its always been but mentioning it doesnt... help... it just points out a flaw.

The characters are fine enough imo. I really expected Mualani to have this super hyper attitude and squeaky voice we usually get from an 'everyone loves me' character but shes suprisingly mellow and i appreciate that alot. (May change with Citlali though and im not looking forward to it)

I do not like how it is very Tell not Show. Because you know what keeps being shown? The fact that Kachina is A CHILD. Maybe she's not an actual child who knows but hyv is clearly infantilizing her. Case in point:

The chief of the tribe literally asked you for ID because you are strangers hanging out around her. He literally said 'a good feeling isnt gonna be enough for your parents to trust these people'

After the chief knew who the traveller is, he said he could trust Kachina to go to the Stadium to sign up and not get into trouble. She HAS to participate because she has an Ancient Name and you can barely trust her to go to the stadium???

Kachina mentioning how she can't keep excusing her age for being a bad warrior. So she KNOWS shes young and either she or other people in the past has excused her for her performance because of her age.

The genuine actual side by side of her first match up. You know a child vs a massive buff man. Maybe it's just me but her kit is clearly not made to DPS and hyv making us fight these opponents with only her kinda makes it feel so much like a drag.

Everyone around her keeps saying oh shes actually really good, she almost made it last time, shes super powerful just lacking confidence. Well we dont really... see it. When the tournament started and we play as mualani and kachina all i can think about it 'yeah mualani is gonna do all the fighting here' and it adds to the idea that kachina literally did the bare minimum. But then suddenly we get a really cool cutscene of her defeating a 3 times winning veteran. It is not believable to me.

Also now that she's won we are literally sending her off to fight the abyss where she has a REAL CHANCE OF DYING but we gotta be ok with it because she can get resurrected? Are we not supposed to be concerned that we are sending a child to war with a real chance of her dying?

It is such a tonal shock and the traveller or paimon barely says anything about it so WE are supposed to be fine with it too? It probably is culture shock but like... SOME people still sees Clorinde as a killer despite doing her job as a duelist, how do you think those people will think seeing THIS tradition.

As for the bit where we go with mualani while we wait for kachina to come back from war, it was... alright i think. But the manufactured 'chillness' is there, like you can tell theyre trying their hardest to potray this tribe as the chill surfers one. Its also obvious they want us to like Atea. While she looks a lil overbearing i appreciate that they were being subtle about her 'my life isnt gonna last long so i am doing this dangerous task', they had to explain it anyway for mualani but i think them not stating out right at first that 'woah you werent going here because you can use the hotsprings again!' is a good choice, that is a good show not tell i think.

For now though the entire thing simply feels off because i feel like there's no stake at all for us. If kachina loses? Then she doesn't get sent to the war, thats kind of a good thing seeing how she did ended up 'dying'. We've met the archon but for some reason hasn't asked about our siblings or anything and the only reason we are staying is because its the right thing to do. Thats it. I think it's just... alot offered to us but none with actual value to the traveller personally.

While you can argue that fontaine is exactly like that, that we only stayed to help lyney with his trial and everything else because its the right thing to do. Lyney is fatui. Neuvillette is a dragon. And furina is an absent archon. Theres an air of mystery around how fontaine works and these people have MASSIVE connections. You almost want to stay to see how it'll turn up, what information will show up.

Natlan on the other hand revealed basically everything to us in the first 2 acts. Natlan gets abyss attacks because they dont have strong leyline connections. The fatui wants the gnosis and literally will just fight the archon for it. The archon is chill and kind and is the reincarnation of the original archon because we were told that. The facking traitor from night-wind is obviously the Ororon guy lmao. So what IS left to speculate? To look out for?

Like wow she's gonna carve us an Ancient Name? Why lmao. What for? We can purify the abyss we are not dying in the Night Kingdom.

Shrugs idk feel free to fight me on this. I am just a lil jaded because i literally cannot take the archon seriously when shes literally just called 'Archon' with no special title or anything

[canirove]

My neighbour Rúben | Chapter 11

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When I woke up, it took me a while to realize where I was. That I wasn't on my bed, that it was Rúben's, and that he should be sleeping next to me, his big arm around me. But he wasn't. If he had left for the hospital without telling me...

As I left the room, ready to go looking for him, I heard noise in the kitchen, so I went there. 

"Good morning" I said.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty" he replied. He wasn't wearing the small pajamas anymore, just a plain white t-shirt and some grey joggers that made his bum look perfect, just like the peach emoji. And he was smiling. 

"Did the hospital call?"

"They did. The surgery was a success, and even though now Ivan will have to work really hard, he'll recover."

"Oh, that's wonderful!" I said, running towards him and throwing my arms around his neck, hugging him. "I told you everything would be alright."

"You did" he said, hugging me back. "Thank you."

We stayed like that for a while, neither of us saying a word until the toaster startled us both. 

"I hope you like toasts for breakfast" Rúben chuckled. 

"That actually is what I have for breakfast. And some fruit."

"Then you've come to the right house. C'mon, when they are cold they don't taste the same" he said with a quick kiss before letting me go. "And oh, Lucy texted. She asked if you were with me."

"What did you tell her?"

"That you had spent the night here and that you would explain everything later."

"If she lets me" I sighed, sitting down.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I want all the details. Now." Lucy said the moment I walked into our apartment. "Was it good? How many times? How long? Is it big? It has to be big."

"Lucy!"

"What? Those are very important questions! Though to be honest, if he knows how to use it, it doesn't matter if..."

"Lucy, nothing happened."

"Yeah, sure" she snorted, following me into my room. "Are you telling me that you disappeared with Rúben, slept in his house, and nothing happened?"

"Yes, exactly that."

"Liar."

"We went to the hospital."

"What?"

"His brother was in a car accident, that's why we left."

"Oh dear. Is he ok?"

"His leg is broken in a few places, but they called this morning and said that the surgery was a success and he will recover."

"Thank God" she said, sitting down on my bed. "Wait, are you leaving again?"

"You don't mind, do you? Rúben is going back to the hospital and I don't want him to be alone."

"No, of course not. Go. Julia and I will be fine, she's still sleeping."

"Thank you" I said, disappearing into my bathroom to get changed.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"You didn't have to come."

"I know. But I wanted to."

"Thank you" Rúben said, kissing my hand. Once again, he hadn't let go of it since we had left the car. 

"Oh, Mr. Dias" the doctor said when we arrived at the floor where Ivan's room was. "We were just checking on your brother."

"How is he doing?"

"Good. Tired and sore, but good. Let me introduce you to Dr. Newton. She is the one who performed your brother's surgery."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am. And thank you very much" Rúben said, letting go of my hand to shake hers.

"Just doing my job" she replied.

"Can we go in and see him?"

"Yes, of course. He's been asking for you, though he is a bit afraid you may be mad at him and act like the big brother despite being the younger one" Dr. Newton smiled.

"I have someone to keep me in check, don't worry" he said, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him. Both doctors were now looking at me, and I could feel my face getting warmer and warmer by the second. 

"Oh, you came!" Ivan said as we walked into his room. "And you brought company."

"Hello to you too" Rúben said to his brother. "How are you feeling?"

"Peachy" Ivan said, trying to smile. Though even that seemed to hurt. "Is she... Her?"

"Yes."

"Are you dating then?"

"We are just friends."

"With benefits?"

"Just friends, Ivan" Rúben said, his cheeks turning a bright shade of pink. Was he... Blushing? I knew I was, though I had been since we met with the doctors.

"Yes, sure. Whatever you say. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too" I smiled.

"You can tell me if you've fucked her, you know? I’m your brother" Ivan whispered in Portuguese, totally unaware that I was able understand most of what he had said. How did I know the word fuck in Portuguese? Fanfics. Always learning something new.

"She understands Portuguese" Rúben whispered back.

"Oh" Ivan said while looking at me, his eyes wide. "Sorry."

"About what?" I said, acting as if I hadn't heard him.

"Nothing" Rúben quickly added. "Mama and Papa are flying today, so get ready."

"She's gonna be so mad... But it wasn't my fault!" 

"She knows. But she's sick worried, so let her take care of you."

"Yeah, yeah..." Ivan said. "Now, tell me more about you. Piano teacher and nanny? Wow.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"You didn't have to drive me to the train station, you know?" I said to Rúben. "You probably have enough with training and having Ivan and your parents at home."

"Exactly. Leaving the house to be with you is just perfect."

"But it is pouring with rain and we are stuck in traffic."

"But we are together, aren't we? That already makes it better" he said with a big smile, resting his hand on my thigh. Despite wearing jeans, I could still feel his touch, and my cheeks were showing it. "So, what are the final plans for your Christmas?"

"Stay with my grandparents. Who will show up, is a mystery. And then on Boxing Day we are going to watch Arsenal play. Grandad somehow became friends with Ramsdale's dad and he got us tickets in the VIP area. Not the biggest fan, but at least I'll be warm."

"Why not the biggest fan?" 

"Because all the wives and girlfriends are there, and it just feels... Weird."

"Does that mean that for my next game I can't get you tickets there even if you could fit in the wag category?"

"You know what wag means?" I chuckled, totally ignoring everything else he had said. Just thinking about it made my heart start beating like crazy.

"I hear things in the changing room” he shrugged. “The other day I learnt about dilf and milf."

"Any thoughts about it?"

"Not really. You?"

"I don't think I like anyone who is a dilf."

"Not even John? That's how the conversation started, because people called him a dilf."

"Yeah... No."

"Because you like me better. I know" Ruben smirked before focusing on the road again, his hand not leaving my thigh. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I can manage, Rúben."

"If I don't help you, you'll end up soaking wet. C'mon" he said, leaving the car and opening his umbrella. A few seconds later, he was by my door. "You hold the umbrella, I'll carry your suitcase."

"Are you also coming to the station with me?"

"I am. I'm not letting you go to London without a proper goodbye kiss."

"What if someone recognizes you and takes a photo?"

"That's why I'm wearing this" he said, pointing at his head. He was wearing a beanie and, of course, looking stupidly handsome. 

"But..."

"You don't want me to kiss you? I thought you enjoyed it" he asked with that smirk of his.

"I..." 

"That's what I thought. C'mon" he said again, putting an arm over my shoulders and starting to walk towards the train station.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Oh, there you are!" grandma said when I walked into her house, giving me a big hug. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too" I replied, hugging her back.

"How was the road?" she asked grandad.

"Not bad considering the weather" he said.

"Was it the same back in Manchester?"

"Worst. We were stuck in traffic for ages."

"Did Lucy drive you?" grandma asked, walking into the leaving room and asking me to sit next to her.

"Yes, she did" I lied.

"So glad you've found a friend like her" she said. "Have you made any other friends? Maybe male friends?"

"Oh, please don't start" grandad said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not the one who wants to set her up with that blondie."

"Who?" I asked.

"The goalkeeper. Your grandad and his dad want you to meet, they say you are perfect for each other" grandma said.

"Ramsdale and I?"

"He's a nice lad, and your grandma finds him cute."

"But she is the one who has to find him cute, not me. And I actually like his friend a lot better. The one with the tattoos" grandma winked.

"Tiger tits? No way" he laughed.

"Who is tiger tits?" I asked.

"Ben White."

"Oh..." I said. 

"Oh? What does that mean? Do you also fancy him like your grandma does?"

"No, I just..." I said, already feeling my cheeks get warm.

"She just has eyes in her face" grandma smirked. "Besides, we are not the ones who tell him I love you when he is playing."

"He's a great defence, alright? Worth the money. But I don't want him as a grandson. What about Saka? Too young?" 

And that was the conversation for the rest of the afternoon and part of our night: trying to decide which Arsenal player would be my ideal boyfriend. If only they knew that I already had my eyes on a footballer, but from another team...

[wachtelspinat]

Hey ! I’ve been seeing your art going around since your midnight crew stuff and I just recently stubble across your tumblr, thank to your beautiful overwatch art for our beloveds junkers ! I’ve been scrolling through your account and read about your experience of being a former graphic designer who is a doctor now. And damn. I can’t emphasize how much I admire you, especially as someone who is struggling really hard to choose between 2 careers paths ( with one of them being art related ). This is why I was wondering if you would be open to talk about how and why you switched from art to medecine ? Especially because most of the time I feel it happens more the other way around ? ( If it’s too personal just ignore this ask + sorry if you already talked about it before )

hey ! no worries, i don't expect ppl to scroll through my tumblr to find an answer for a question they might have. first of all thanks for your nice words, means a lot <3

i switched from art to medicine because my early 20-something-self was even more anxiety-ridden than my present-self, and being in art school and having to "perform" regularly was a nightmare. i'm talking about a time in which i was so scared of being perceived that i often skipped grocery shopping, just so i could avoid being around people. so like, pitching art related projects to peers and profs was eeh... especially because art is so personal oh my god. i still hate it when someone tries to sneak a peek while i'm drawing, makes me wanna throw my sketchbook and myself off the bridge. anyways so i always felt a 110% inadequate (plus i got a gf during that time who was so good to me and tried to get me out of my funk on multiple occasions (she was and still is an artist and has now a career as a freelancer and i'm rly proud of her) but i couldn't see that because i just compared the two of us all the time and sabotaged any attempt she made for having fun with drawing with her) that i sat down at some point and asked myself if i could do this any longer, and i came to the conclusion that no, it really kills me rn.

what made me go into the health sector? i don't even know anymore, i think it was a mixture of "i loved biology, esp. the human body in school" and "my mum is an icu nurse and talks a lot about hospitals, maybe i should check it out"... it was not a well thought through decision, which is so funny because studying medicine was a hell of a meatgrinder ride (also my anxiety and self hatred? still there, but now i wasn't judged anymore because of my art but instead being called a dumb idiot collectively with all the other students because nobody likes med students) and for some reason i was able to get through that despite it not being my passion at all, but i couldn't stand up for myself in art school. i don't even know if i could work through it nowadays, but the good thing is i don't have to ask myself this question anymore, because being a doctor pays the bills, and ever since i left art school i was able to just draw without consequence. which is nice to a degree, my artistic output is not tied to the means of generating money. on the other hand... idk, in another life with more confidence and less worries, i'd love to be some sort of character designer T_T

so yeah that's basically it. at some times i cherished my career decisions, at other times i regretted them deeply, worst thing is i know it has a lot to do with personality, but the fact that we can't change who we are with a blink of an eye gives me the framework to think that the path i took was ok. as in. things happened for a reason and maybe i'm just not cut out for that kind of work. you have to be aware of the conditions of a job to decide if you are up for it. because being an artist doesn't end with "just draw". i myself had an unrealistic view of the job back then too. and the fact that i could not seperate between personal aspects and "doing a job here" was crucial.

yeah, idk if this is helpful at all. i think the one thing that is super important here is to have a realistic view on the conditions of work you are about to head into, and i know this is mostly very difficult to aquire. because unless you really work in a sector there is often no way to fully grasp the situations you can find yourself in (this applied for me also in the health sector, which made me fall into a depression a year ago, but what do you do after you spent 6 years of studying :') ). doing internships and just trying to get to know a lot of things really helps. and - idk how old you are, but if you're really young: it's ok to switch careers at some point. it's even ok to do so when you are older (trying to end on a positive note here because it feels like i just said a lot of depressing things... like don't get me wrong i like my job, the conditions are just fucked up, and again my personality prevents me from switching again but it's also not that easy in germany, BUT it's a valid thing to do, being versatile is good! just... make sure you don't end up with a job that you absolutely hate because that kills it all)

[thealmightyemprex]

Voyage Through the Disney Canon :1937-1949 ranking

These are the first 11 Disney animated films ,ranked from my least favorite to most favorite

11.Fun and Fancy Free -Ah Fun and Fancy Free,the favorite Disney film of nobody ,at least from what I have seen .I have never seen any one talk about this one positively and yeah I'm not gonna praise it either,this film is rather messy .I really dont like the first segment about Bongo the Bear,I actually think it is dreadful (THough Dinah Shore does some good narration ),Jiminey Cricket is a bit grating here ,and I like Edgar Bergen in general but wow is the wraparound segment with him unsettling especially if you dont know who he is .The Mickey and the Beanstalk segment is good but not to noteworthy aside from Bill Gilbert delivering a enjoyable performance as the giant and there is a scene where Donald becomes murderously insane ,thats fun

10.Saludos Amigos -This movie isnt bad,its just....Barely a film .Its only a bit over 40 minutes ,it feels more like EDutainment talking about South America .It fine for what it is and hey it gave us Jose Carioca

9.Melody Time -Its fine .I like the Blame it on the Samba segment and the Johnny Appleseed segment is sweet and definately the best part of the film,gets me misty eyed ,but every other segment is just.....OK to me

8.Three Caballeros -The much better companion film to Saludos Amigos,this film is weird and energetic ansd just fun,with the titular song being a highlight .

7.Dumbo:So of the 5 Capital C Classics(The first 5 films Disney made which are Snow White,Pinocchio,Fantasia ,Dumbo and Bambi ),I didnt know which ones would rank where.....But knew of the 5 Dumbo would be the lowest,which I feel bad about cuase...I really like Dumbo ,its a very nostalgic childhood favorite :Pink Elephants is a great sequence,the Baby Mine song brings a tear to my eye .heck the songs in general are good,Dumbo is a lovable protagonist and I love the performance of Edward Brophy as Timothy the mouse ,I think he is an underrated sidekick.It has a MAJOR problem with it and yes it is the racism ,like wow,not just the crow scene but the song "Happy Hearted Roustabouts" which is just...Yikes .However theres another reason it is not higher becuase it does its job too well.It was made to be a short simple movie,and it suceeds in being that ,but as such the other films I find more interesting .However let it be known I have a soft spot for Dumbo

6.Make Mine Music -This ia an underrated gem.I personally dont dig the more abstract segments but theres a lot of fun music and animation and I think the final segment the Whale That Wanted To Sing at the Met is a masterpiece with for me,the saddest moment in the Walt era

5.Fantasia -FAntasia is a movie I admire more then I like .Most of what I love is in the second half,I adore the Dance of the Hours and the Pastorial Sympathy and of course Night on Bald Mountain is MAGNIFICENT ,butwith the exception of the delightful Sorcerers Apprentice,the first half drags for me .I do like the movie ,finding it very artistically pleasing but I cant say its one of my personal favorite Disney films but can totally see why it is a favorite for many

4.Bambi -This is a contender for the best looking film of the Walt era,gorgeous backgrounds ,great character animation and its more of a vibe then a story .Its not for everyone....But Bambi is awesome to me,its kind of neat just watching this deer live his life .ITs really cute (Especially the stuff with Thumper the rabbit ),its gorgeous and has some solid emotional moments .I dont like the soundtrack but the rest of the film I really enjoy .

3.The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad -This is my favorite of the wartime/post war animated films cause its one I watched a bunch as a kid .No9w truthfully the first segment covering Wind In the Willows is just good.I like the performances of Eric Blore as Mr Toad and J PAt O Malley as Cyril ,theres some funny moments,Basil Rathbone is a good narrator ,but I prefer other takes on Wind in the Willows and I dont like how minimized Ratty and Mole are .....The second segment is a masterpiece,with great character animation,comedy,wonderful narration by Bing Crosby who also sings the banger that is the Headless Horseman song and yeah the Headless Horseman himself is a wonderfully scary villain with the chase scene between him and Ichabod Crane being one hell of a climax.

2.Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs -This film the more I see it the more I love it .Its funny cause I used to not like this movie but now I have fallen for its simplistic charm.It feels like no other Disney film ,like it is so unpolished cause they are trying to figure out how to make a feature and I finsd it endearing .Snow White is a character I do care about,the Queen is a simple yet imposing villain and By god when she becomes the Witch she is reallly creepy and rightfully has been nightmare fuel for many a child over the generations (Props to the voice work of Lucille LaVerne ).The scene stealers really are the Dwarfs ,especially Grumpy and Dopey who are played an animated well.Bit of a comfort movie for me ,so had to place it a bit high

1.Pinocchio-This is one of my favorite animated films of all time .It is sweet ,it is dramtic , and it can be really intense .The songs are all great (No Strings On Me might be my favorite ) .The character animation is great (I particularly love Bill Tytlas animation of Stromboli ) ,the climax is just a marvel of animation (Monstro the Whale is one hell of a feat of animation ),Pinocchio is a likeable protagonist,Honest John is a hilarious comedic villain who stands in contrast to the more terrifying villainay of Stromboli and the Coachman ,and Jiminy Cricket ,Geppetto,and Figaro are just lovable.I love lovve love love love love love this movie .

@ariel-seagull-wings @makingboneboy @amalthea9 @the-blue-fairie @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @themousefromfantasyland @filmcityworld1 @princesssarisa

[what-if-nct]

hihihi today's reminder is ok let's talk friends because this is my first time in a few years watching it all the way through and I'm halfway through season four and i have Thoughts

Monica reminds me a bit of me where she just is so clear about what she wants in a relationship, like I've always been called crazy for dating to marry instead of "enjoying my 20s" but like i am enjoying it with someone I'll enjoy the rest of my life with too, and i soooo see that in Monica and it makes me feel better. which is funny because i never resonated with her like that before, but at the point I'm at right now in life, i see so much of myself in how much she holds these very few people dear, how she values her community and her stability and is always the one making sure the community has a place and a reason to gather

i love love love good character growth so Rachel, chandler and Joey are obviously my babies. Rachel is annoying about ross but we'll forgive that for how hard she worked to go from spoiled daughter to waitress to fashion icon we love her here she deserves the best. Phoebe also obviously my own child, i bore her and raised her and watch all her performances while beaming with pride Ross… David schwimmer saves him a lot let's just say that. when I'm not really watching as much as listening to the show while i play candy crush, he's unbearable, but he's funny when you watch him. almost charming sometimes

ok relationships: Monica and Chandler remain untouched. i love the idea of Joey and Phoebe, and there's a fair bit of hinting towards it and it's a shame they never explored it but i just love Mike so much. Joey and Rachel though, yes, a million times yes. they could've been mondler part 2, they could've had it all. they truly wasted that pairing by using it just to make Ross jealous. and Ross... well. does he deserve love, really? no he doesn't why the fuck did they spend so long building Rachel up as someone so smart and confident and self made and comfortable in her own skin just to waste her on a man that will control her every breathing second and somehow make himself the victim for her daring to have her own life and her own feelings

yeah i don't like Ross lmao. i also like the idea of Rachel ending up with Mark (… the one who got her her job not the nct rapper) just as a fuck you to Ross and because he seemed super sweet and actually genuinely rooted for her based on nothing but kindness

Hii, Firstly I commend you so much for sticking to your own standards and values, I respect that so much you know what you want and you didn't settle for less and you're getting exactly what you wanted. I love that so much. And Monica was very driven and sure of herself and I have a soft spot for her of course from her childhood as a fat kid like so many of her flashbacks really struck home for me. And I won't get into the way 90s\00s shows showcased fat people but I will say The Gilmore girls is the only show albeit not perfect who did a pretty good job in how they presented sookie who i love. But also her being the left behind child who was always in Ross's shadow and didn't get the love and care she deserved from her parents. Like I love Monica and I'm glad she got her happy ending. Rachel dropping her past life, running off from her wedding and starting all over from scratch alone foreshadowed her growth, obviously not the best judge of character with men especially when it comes to Ross but we can look past that. But I loved her with Joey so much. Joey is just a joy, a delight, he was like 25 when I was just a one year old but he is my baby and i love him. I totally forgot about Mike oh I loved him with Phoebe. Oh I would have loved to see what was going on with Dan and Serena and Blair which If you've seen gossip girl it was confusing as hell right. But like that with Joey and Phoebe and Rachel. Like Joey explores things with Phoebe but ultimately ends up with Rachel and Phoebe with Mike. But like all three are like still super chill with each other. And Ross, I have never and will never like that man. David Swimmer is a delight but Ross is the worst. Ted Mosby from how I met your mother was birthed from Ross Geller. I will not get into Ted but iykyk. But yeah Fuck Ross.

[bteezxyewriter12]

Audience/ 2

Pairing- Jongho x Named Reader

Word count- 5.5k

Includes- Voyeurism, oral, pussy eating, blow job, deep throating, face fucking, cum eating, cock riding, missionary, sex from behind, choking, dirty talk, noona kink, Jongho and reader are switches (kinda), squirting, so many orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13

Gif Credit- not sure who but there's a JH in the corner, if anyone knows who this is, let me know and I'll tag the owner

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Jongho Masterlist

2 weeks later

J POV

"You want soda? Water?", Jongho asks, standing in front of the fridge

We're going to watch a movie with the guys and they made me and Jongho in charge of drinks duty

Seonghwa and Hongjoong just brought the snacks in so it's our turn now

He looks so good in his sweatpants, t-shirt, his hair falling in his face

I want him so badly

"I want you", I tell him

He looks back at me, his cheeks blushing

It's so easy to get him flustered

I've been doing it our entire relationship

It started when I asked him out

Yeosang is my best friend and I met them all before their debut

I was immediately intrigued by Jongho

A shy huge muscular teddy bear, who called me noona as I'm a year older than him

The noona thing was hot and as I got to know him, I liked him more and more

I finally took a chance, asked him out and here we are seven months later, in love and happy together

And honestly always horny for each other

It's great

"I want you too jagi but the guys are here"

"So?"

"They....may...you know... Make fun of us again"

Right

When they caught us fucking before the performance

He got so mad and embarrassed, going off on them again at the dorm when I wasn't there

Yeosang told me

Move to him, I hug him, his arms immediately going around me too

"I know it pissed you off last time baby but it really doesn't matter. And we shouldn't stop being together because they act like children"

He bites his lip, hesitating

"It's ok Jonghie. We don't have to, I just don't want you to feel bad about getting caught. You know how they're like a bunch of toddlers, especially when it comes to sex. They're like horny giggling teenagers"

He nods, "I know. I just don't want them to make you feel bad"

I really don't care, it doesn't bother me and I told him that but I know he still worries

And also I'm not the one who's gonna have to hear their shit all the time

He is

"I don't care baby. I'm not going to feel bad for being with you", I assure him, "But I know you'll have to deal with their dumbassery, not me"

Even after he told them off they still tease him as he tells me all the time

He's silent and I'm just gonna drop it

I don't want to add to the stress he has over them

"To answer you baby", I say, "A soda"

He still doesn't say anything, just holding me against him

"Jonghie?"

His hand drops to mine, taking it and pulling me behind him

As we pass the living room, San calls out, "Where are you going?"

"We have to talk", Jongho answers

"Whoa, is everything ok?", Wooyoung asks

"Yeah, we just need to talk", he repeats

With that, he leads me down the hallway, into his room, pushing me against the closest wall

He looms over me, his hulking body making me feel so small and so safe

He runs his fingers in my hair, leaning down, his lips ghosting against mine

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I crash my lips to his, not dealing with his teasing

I want him now

He kisses me hungrily, his tongue already down my throat, hands undoing my sweater and shoving it off me, leaving me my bralette

I pull his shirt up, his lips separating from mine for the second it takes to take his shirt off

Then his lips are back on mine, his tongue playing with mine

His pulls me against him, his arms around me, kissing me deeply

His hands run down my body, his fingers trailing down my skin, leaving fire in their wake

God this man's touch is something I fucking crave everyday, it feels that good

Having his hands on me completely melts me every time

His fingers pull my sweatpants down, them dropping to my ankles and I step out of them

His lips move from my mouth to my neck, licking my skin before he kisses

I moan when I feel him sucking, getting turned on that he's going to leave his marks on me

I love when he does that and I absolutely love oogling them in the mirror the next day

He always leaves them so dark and they look so good on my pale skin

His mouth sucks hard along my neck, collarbone and chest, licking and kissing the skin as he trails down, leaving clusters of hickies on me

I moan softly as he leaves more on the top of my breasts, his hands squeezing them at the same time

He continues down, leaving more all over my body, my stomach as he gets to his knees

His big hands push my legs open, his mouth kissing my pussy through my panties, making me so wet

Hooking his fingers in the strings of my panties, he pulls down, his mouth latching on to my clit as soon as he exposes it

"Jonghie", I moan softly, pleasure filling my body

He moans against me, the tearing sound of my panties ripping and when I look down, he throws the shreds of it behind it

His strength is so hot and honestly turns me on so much

"Open your pretty legs noona", he murmurs

I widen my stance and he lets go of my clit, kissing between my legs instead, making me whimper

"My noona has such a pretty pussy"

"Fuck Jonghie"

"So wet for me already noona. You want my tongue that badly?"

"Yes Jonghie, give me. Please baby"

"Ok noona. I'm gonna be your good boy ok?"

God he turns me on so easily

And he knows it

"Yeah baby"

His tongue goes on me, licking up my pussy slowly

"Fuck Jonghie, yes"

"So fucking good", he moans, moving his tongue faster, licking along my slit then flicking my clit with his tongue

"Jongho", I whimper, my hand snaking in his hair, holding on

He's so fucking good with his tongue, it's mind-blowing

From the first time we were together, he really didn't need any practice there

It's like he knew how to eat pussy already

"Need you to cum", he murmurs, his tongue moving even faster, his hands moving to my ass, squeezing with every lick he gives me

I'm so close already but fuck, Jongho is like a oral god

The next swipe of his tongue has me coming, his tongue licking my hole furiously, moaning into me

"Jongho, baby", I moan, letting the pleasure wash over me

So good

"Again", he says, moving one of my legs over his shoulder

His tongue laps at my clit while he pushes two fingers inside me, my pussy clenching down on them hard

"Mmm noona, can wait to feel this cunt around my cock", he murmurs, pulling his fingers out and shoving them back inside

"Oh my fucking god", I cry, the bliss intense

His tongue lavishes more licks, going faster as his fingers fuck into me at a steady rate, his fingers pressing against my spot

We fuck so much that he can find that spot with his fingers and cock immediately

I feel my cunt drenching his hand, another finger sliding inside, the tip of his tongue pressing against my clit, massaging it quickly

I'm in so much bliss, it never failing to awe me at how amazing my boyfriend can make me feel

My pussy tightens around his fingers over and over, his moans so fucking hot

"Mmm baby, clenching so hard", he groans between licks, "Promise you'll do this on my cock"

"I will", I moan, so fucking turned on

"Good girl, noona", he says as he flicks my clit again

I fucking lose it, coming around his fingers, moaning his name as his tongue flies along my clit, his fingers fucking me though my orgasm

The pleasure is out of this world and it takes everything in me to keep myself standing

Jongho's mouth immediately wraps around my clit, sucking like he can't get enough, keeping me in intense pleasure

I haven't even gotten over the pleasure from my orgasm and he's already throwing me into more

I fucking love it and if nothing else, Jongho has the stamina of a fucking bull

The amount of sex we have is ridiculous and we're both used to multiple orgasms in one round, overstimulation ceasing to be a problem for both of us

This leads to amazing hours long sex that I've never had with another man before in my life

And I'm so glad it's with Jongho

I'm so lost in Jongho, in the bliss his mouth is giving me that I don't hear his door open

"Jongho where the fuck-"

The voice cuts off

I open my eyes, looking to the doorway

San, Seonghwa and Wooyoung are staring at us in varying looks of shock

"Holy shit", San whispers

"He's...she....damn", Wooyoung adds, his eyes on us

And Jongho doesn't even look up, continuing to pleasure me with his tongue

"Ttttt...they're watching", I moan

"I don't care", he murmurs, the sound of his slurping on my clit so loud and pornographic

God, this is so hot

"Is he not going to stop?", Seonghwa asks

"No", Jongho answers, his voice sending chills up my body

His mouth continues sucking hard and fast, his moans so loud and erotic, like he's the one getting oral

"Fuck!", I yell, pleasure all over me

"Jesus Christ, look at him go at it", San awes

"This is really hot to watch? Why is this hot to watch?", Seonghwa asks nobody

"I didn't know I like tattoos on a girl so much", San mutters

Jongho's sucking brings me closer and closer, making me yell and pull his hair then closer I get

"Is she gonna-", Wooyoung asks

"Yeah", San answers

He's right

I am

Right now

"Fuck Jongho, fuck!", I cry, coming on his face

He sucks me through it, his tongue dropping and licking my slit furiously, lapping up all my cum

"Fuck noona, tastes so good. Want more"

"Mother of god", Seonghwa gasps

When I finish, he pushes my leg open more, his fingers spreading my pussy lips wide, his tongue slipping inside my hole

"Fff..fuck", I choke out, glad I have the wall to lean on or I'd be in the floor already

Jongho doesn't stop, fucking his tongue in and out of my pussy

"Oh my god Jonghie", I whine

"Again?", San asks

"Fourth time", Jongho answers before going back to my soaked cunt

"Four? You gave her three orgasms already?", Wooyoung shouted, "But you've only been gone for fifteen minutes!"

"Shut the fuck up!", I moan, moving my hips and grinding into Jongho's mouth, my fingers pulling his hair

"Yes fuck, good noona", he groans

"What are you guys watching?", Hongjoong asks

Seriously?

They need to shut up

"Oh fuck seriously?", Hongjoong yelps

"What? What is it?"

That's Yunho

"Oh damn", Mingi mutters

"Lemme see", Yeosang says

I look to see the four of them with their mouths dropped open

"Why are you watching them?", Yeosang shrieks

"Because it's hot? They didn't kick us out"

I'm about to if they don't shut up

"Cum for me noona. I wanna taste you again"

"What?", Hongjoong yelps again

Jongho's tongue slips back in and I'm done

"Jongho", I cry, coming on his tongue, still fucking his face, my legs shaking hard

"Jesus that was a huge orgasm", Yunho comments

When I finish, Jongho moves back, "My favorite"

"His what? What did he say?", Yeosang gapes

Jongho looks up at me, "Was I your good boy?"

"This is insane", Yeosang gulps

I run my fingers in his hair, "Yeah Jonghie, my good boy"

"I can have your mouth?"

"Her what? What?", Yunho blabs

I nod

Jongho stands up, his mouth on mine in a sloppy kiss

I kiss him back, falling into him

God, I love him so much

"On your knees noona", he whispers in my ear and I nod, looking in his eyes as I kneel

"She's going to blow him?", Hongjoong gasps

Duh

We're being together

It's not our fault they're such horndogs and want to watch

I'm actually surprised that Jongho doesn't care

I know he was getting tired of them saying shit to him and I guess he's really not giving a fuck right now

I pull his sweatpants and boxers down, his huge cock so hard

"Damn Jongho's packing that thing?", San says impressed

Yup, my baby has an amazing cock

Massive, long, thick and always so hard, ready to cum for me and give me my favorite taste in the world

Ignoring them, I lick up Jongho's cock, listening to his soft moans

I get his head in my mouth and lick while I suck softly

"Fuck noona"

"Fuck is right", Seonghwa agrees

"More noona"

I know what my baby boy likes

Moving half way down his big length, I suck harder, running my tongue on the underside of his shaft

"Oh fuck yes"

His hand goes in my hair and he pulls

The pain feels good

"All the way noona"

"All the way? What's all the way?", Wooyoung asks

"I don't know. Just watch", San shushes him

I push down his shaft, taking more and more of him in

His head brushes against the back of my throat but I keep going until I'm against his pelvis, all his cock in

"Fuck me, she's deepthroating him"

"How did she get that all in her mouth?"

"How is she not choking?"

Because I do it all the time

Duh

I move halfway back then move forward, pushing him back in my throat

"Good girl noona"

"Good girl?", one of them gasps

I swallow on his cock, making him shiver then I move faster, up and down his cock, bottoming him out every time

"Yes noona, more"

I give him what he wants, watching the pleasure on his beautiful face

"Fuck", he shivers when I suck on him while I bob my head

"Nnnn...noona. Www..wanna fuck your mouth"

"Mother of fuck", Yunho whispers

Jongho looks down at me, his eyes wide and innocent

Which doesn't fool me in the slightest

He's a fucking animal

I nod, his hand fisting my hair automatically

He snaps his hips burying his cock down my throat

Over and over

I take it, loving how his cock feels and I suck on him as much as I can while he moves

I hold on to his hips while he fucks away, using me to cum

"Noona feels so good. Swallow. Please"

I oblige and swallow on his cock

"Yes!", he yells, lost in pleasure

I love seeing him like this

I love that I'm the reason why he's losing it

"This is...", Wooyoung trails off

"Fucking insane", Hongjoong finishes

"I..I'm gonna cum noona"

I nod and he lets go, shoving his cock all in, yelling my name and coming

"Joanne, noona fuck", he cries

His thick, warm cum shoots down my throat and I swallow all of it

He's tastes so fucking good and I always want his cum

"Noona fuck, swallow again"

I swallow again because he asked but also because he's coming so much that I have to

He lets me suck on his cock when he's done, feeling him get harder in my mouth the more I suck

Fuck I'm such a slut for his cock and I absolutely love giving him blowjobs

Just the feel of his cock in my throat, god there's nothing like it

When he's hard enough, he tugs softly on my hair, pulling me off him

"How is he still hard?", Seonghwa gapes

Because I know how to suck on him, how to make him hard right away

Plus like I said, he's an animal, ready to fuck for hours

Every time

I have no problem with that, getting to fuck him right away instead of having to wait until he can get hard again

Leaning him to his bed, I push him down as I climb on top of him

"Gonna be a good boy and let me ride you?"

"Jesus", one of them moans

He nods, "Yes noona. Wanna make you cum over and over"

"Good boy"

"This is so much better than porn"

"If you're going to stay then shut the fuck up or get out", I snap, looking at them

God, their constant talking is fucking annoying

"Sss..sorry"

"I'll be quiet"

"We won't talk"

"You don't care if they're here Jonghie?", I ask

He shakes his head, pure lust in his eyes, "I just care about you"

I smile at him, "Me too baby. Just you"

"I love you", he says

I smile down at him, running my hand in his hair softly, pressing a quick kiss to his soft lips, "I love you"

"I love you", he answers, grabbing my hips, moving his shaft under me, "Please noona. Sit on me"

"Goddamn", Yeosang breathes

Getting his head in, he puts his other hand on my hips and pulls me down his length until I'm sitting right against him, all of him buried inside

"Fuck Jonghie", I shiver, his cock splitting me open so pleasurably, "Feels so good baby"

I've never had this much pleasure getting a cock inside me

He's just so thick, so massive, forcing me open around him, my pussy latching on to him, pulsing quickly

He pants and nods, "So fucking tight noona. So wet. So good"

I love when he can't speak in sentences

It so hot

"Ride me noona. Please, I need it", he whines

"Jesus, he's so fucked out", San comments

"Wouldn't you be?", Seonghwa replies

Moving up his cock, I shove back down, moaning and listening to him yell

"Oh fuck noona, again. Please again. Fuck me. Please fuck me hard", he begs

"God", one of them whimpers

Bouncing on him, I close my eyes feeling his huge cock opening me up over and over

Making me stretch around his thickness

I can't help but soak his cock, fucking him hard

His hands have an iron grip on my hips, his eyes watching me

His hands slide up my body, tugging on the bralette

"Off noona"

I nod, peeling it off my body and throwing it behind me

"Her tits are huge!", Seonghwa gasps

"And pierced holy fuck", Hongjoong whimpers

"She's fucking hot. Those tattoos and piercings are so...fuck", Yunho says softly

"Look at all the fucking hickies he left on her", Wooyoung murmurs, "So pretty on her skin"

Jongho ignores them, cupping and squeezing my boobs, his thumbs rubbing over my nipples, my cunt drenching his cock more and more

"Harder noona"

I know he likes it rough and hard and it's good because I like it that way too

I move faster, slamming onto his huge cock over and over, feeling him hitting my spot with every move, the pleasure out of this world good

"Fuck Jonghie, you're cock is the best I ever fucked", I moan, getting lost in him

"Oh my fucking God!", San exclaims

"Yeah noona?"

I nod, "Yes baby. You feel so fucking good"

"Good noona. Wanna be good for you"

"You are baby boy. My good boy"

I keep bouncing on him, his moaning so fucking hot

"Fuck noona, you're creaming my cock so much. Please cum on me noona", Jongho begs, "I need it"

"He needs it?", Hongjoong asks, "It's that good?"

"Yes fuck it's that good", Jongho roars, "Shut up!"

"It's ok baby", I say softly, caressing his face as he looks at me, "Ignore them ok? Look at me baby"

He nods, his eyes on me

I smile at him, running my fingers in his sweaty black hair

He's so fucking beautiful

I can't stop myself, I lean down, kissing him passionately

His arms wrap around my body, kissing me hard, his tongue pressed against mine

As I kiss him, his hands grip my ass, thrusting up into me, going in so deep

Breaking the kiss, I moan loudly, taking his cock again and again, burying my face in his neck

He's so sweaty, his mixing with mine and I love the way it feels

He jack hammers his cock into me more and more, his moans so fucking pretty

The next time he buries in my cunt, I press my hips down, rocking on him, his breath catching, his movements stopping, just feeling each other

I slowly sit up, leaning on his abs, resuming my bouncing on his length, his cock bringing me so close

"Baby fuck", he moans, his eyes move down to us then quickly shifting back up

"It's ok baby. You can look at me fucking you. I know you like watching"

"Fuck", one of the guys gasps

Jongho's eyes snap down, watching my pussy swallow his cock over and over

"Please noona. I wanna see your pussy cum", he moans, "Wanna see your cream on my cock"

"Jesus", San mutters

Fuck, his begging is so fucking hot

I slam down, his head smashing my spot and I yell loudly

"Yes noona"

Grinding on his hard cock, his head rubs against my spot, giving me continuous pleasure

"Jonghie....fuck..."

"Yes baby, do it"

The next rock has me snapping, coming on him, clenching his length impossibly tight, ecstasy exploding in my body

God it feels so incredible

His cock is so good

"Yes Jongho, oh my god", I moan, releasing all over him, pleasure all over my body

"Yes noona, fuck yes. So fucking good", he moans, "So tight baby"

His hands grip my hips, rocking me on his cock, keeping me in pleasure

When it's over, the next thing I know, I'm on my back, Jongho on top of me, his eyes so intense and full of lust and I know, we're nowhere close to done

🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻

Jongho POV

Staring down at my girlfriend, I'm so fucking horny for her

I know I made her cum so much already but I'm not done with her

I know she can cum so much more and fuck I want to feel it

Moving her legs around me, I wrap my arm around her waist, lifting her slightly off the bed, pushing my cock inside her

"Jongho", she moans, shaking under me as I fill her tiny pussy right up

Fuck, I love hearing her moan for me, hearing her call my name

It's something I know I will never get tired of

Moving my hips, I slam into her cunt over and over

I don't give a fuck who's watching

All I can think of is her

Pleasing her, touching her, kissing her

Lifting one of her legs, I push it up to her chest, leaning over her and pounding my cock into her

I smash my lips to hers, kissing her hard, our tongues in each other's mouth

I desperately need her

She's my everything

I love her so fucking much

She's everything

Her hands run up and down my back, just how I love it, clinging onto me hard

"More Jonghie. Fuck me baby"

"Anything for my noona", I whisper

Getting on my knees and holding her legs open wide, I bury myself into her tight hole, right into her spot

Each slam has her shouting in pleasure, a gorgeous moaning mess under me

I watch her, her body and hair covered in sweat, biting her pretty bottom lip, pleasure that I'm giving her all over her face

Fucking stunning

My baby is perfect

"Jongho, I'm...I'm..", she gasps, breathing hard

I know she's close, I feel her throbbing so hard around me

I know her body like the back of my hand

"Yes noona. Cum on me"

God I want it so bad

I can never get enough of her coming on me

It's the most pleasurable thing I ever felt

"Jongho fuck!", she cries, her body arching up, her hands gripping my sheets hard as she explodes

My eyes go immediately down to my cock inside her, watching her creamy cum completely cover me

Fuck

I love seeing that

It turns me on so much more

Pulling out, she whines loudly

"No! Want your cock!"

"Damn", Yunho whispers

"You'll get it noona. Always"

I turn her over on her hand and knees

"Open", I demand

She automatically opens her legs, her pussy so wet and dripping everywhere

Burying my cock in her, she screams loudly, making me smirk

"Good girl noona. Gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk tomorrow. Split this tiny cunt on my cock. Make you beg to cum"

"Mother of god where did he learn to talk like that?", Hongjoong asks as I move hard inside her

Please

If only he knows the things we say to each other during sex, he'd blush

"Yes Jonghie, I want it"

"Good noona. My cock is yours, baby girl. You can have it whenever you want", I promise, fucking into her hole, feeling her suck me back with with every thrust, pleasure all over every cell in my body

"Shit", Yeosang breathes

"Jesus, they're switches", San says

"Give me more baby. More", she yells

Opening her legs more, I mercilessly slam into her hole over and over, making her body shake with every hit to her spot

"Fuck, this pussy is so good. Throbbing so hard around me. Your pussy wants to cum for my cock. You're so close baby"

"Definitely switches", San confirms

Yeah we are

We can both go from being dominant to submissive to making love in a second

It makes sex exciting, never boring

Although I know sex with her could never be boring

"They're what?", Mingi asks

"They switch between being dominant and submissive", Seonghwa tells him

They need to shut the fuck up

I'd scream at them if I wasn't in immense pleasure

Leaning over her, I wrap my hand around her neck, squeezing softly, her cunt getting so tight around me

"Mmm noona likes to be choked huh?", I smirk, sweat dripping from my hair onto her body

"Yes!", she cries, when I let go of her throat

"Wanna cum like that?", I ask

"Yea, make her cum like that!", Wooyoung yells excitedly

Ignoring him, I wait for her answer

"Yes baby", she whimpers

Pounding into her cunt, I choke her, feeling her grip my cock in a vice grip, making it so pleasurable to fuck into her tightness

"Fuck, pussy so tight", I pant, my length opening her up again and again, "Strangling my cock"

"Seriously, where did he learn to talk like that?", Seonghwa asks no one

Letting her breathe, I close my hand around her throat again

She throbs so hard on me, so close

Just a few more hits to her spot and she's done

"Cum noona. Now!", I order, slapping her ass, thrusting in deeper

It's like that's what she needed because she cums, her entire body shuddering

Letting go of her neck, her screams shatter the silence, "Yes Jongho fuck yes! Baby!"

She cums so hard and so much, it's leaking around my cock onto my bed

"Again", I demand, fucking her harder through her orgasm, my bed smashing into the wall again and again

Reaching around her, I play with her clit, rubbing harshly

She can definitely cum again right away

I know how to make her

As soon as she finishes, she orgasms again, screaming incoherently, bliss washing over me as she chokes my cock

Yes, fuck, I love giving her multiple orgasms

Constant pleasure for the both of us

Fuck, I need it again

I'm addicted to her orgasms, addicted to the ecstasy she gives me, addicted to making her feel good

"More noona, don't stop"

Pounding her spot again, she releases on me again

"Yes noona. You feel so fucking good. Such a good noona for me, coming over and over, getting your hole ruined on my cock. God, so much cream, leaking all over me"

"Jesus Christ, he has a filthy mouth", Mingi gasps

"You taught him to talk like this, San", Hongjoong accuses

"It wasn't me!"

I hear one of the guys say something else but I'm not listening

She begins to fall forward and I catch her, putting her back on her hands and knees

"Not yet noona. I'm not done with your hole yet"

Snapping my hips, I thrust my cock into her over and over, wanting her to climax again

"Please noona" I beg

"How has he not come yet?", Wooyoung asks surprised

"I don't know but he's going to put a hole in the wall", Yunho comments

Grabbing her arms, I pull her up, her back hitting my chest

Moving her head on my shoulder, I kiss her pretty neck, holding her against me, fucking up into her

"Jesus Christ, do you see that cream?", Seonghwa exclaims, "It's fucking dripping off his balls, on to the bed"

"That has to be the creamiest pussy I've ever seen", Hongjoong admits

I smirk at them, knowing that she's mine, I get all her cream, I get her pussy wrapped around me

They can watch all they want

They'll never have my baby

"One more for me noona", I ask, nuzzling into her neck

"Mmm baby", she whispers

She turns her head to me, kissing me hard, her arm reaching around my neck

Shivers run down my spine from her kiss

God her kisses are everything

Her tongue moves in my mouth and touches mine

I kiss her back, moving my hand down her body, my fingers moving on her clit

Her arm tightens around my neck, moaning in my mouth, her other hand squeezing my thigh hard

She breathes harder and I feel her soak my cock, my body, so much as she screams my name, massive pleasure taking over

I know what she's doing

"Good girl noona", I praise her

"Oh fuck, she's squirting!", Seonghwa yells

"Fuck all around his cock too", San, gasps

"It's so pretty", Yeosang adds

"It's fucking hot. Look how much is coming out of her", Yunho moans

Yeah my baby squirts a lot

I love it

Love feeling it, love getting it all over me, love swallowing it

I keep fucking into her, pressing my fingers into her clit, wanting all that messy cream on me before I blow my load

"Please pretty baby", I whisper in her ear

"Jonghie", she whimpers, her body shaking against me as she climaxes, throwing me into complete ecstasy

It's too much, I can't hold it anymore

"Gonna cum noona", I moan in her neck

Thrusting hard inside, pure pleasure takes over as I release deep inside her

"Fuck Joanne! Baby! Fuck", I yell, my body shaking against hers

"Jongho, feels so good baby", she moans

She loves when I cum inside her and I love that she loves it

She takes all my cum inside her, her cunt milking me for everything

When I finish, I pull out and we both collapse on the bed

I immediately pull her to me, wrapping her in my arms, getting the blanket over us and the pillows under our heads

Her arms move around me, her body cuddling against me

She looks in my eyes, smiling and pressing a soft kiss to my lips

"I love you", she says softly

"I love you Jo", I tell her, "So much jagi"

"Are you guys going to sleep?" Wooyoung calls

I roll my eyes as she giggles, "Yes. Get out"

"I need to jerk off", Wooyoung states as I hear footsteps leave the room

"I'm never making fun of him again. That was fucking intense", San adds

"So much better than porn", Seonghwa says, the door closing

Rolling my eyes again, I say, "Idiots"

Her hands softly run along the side of my face, smiling softly, "Well they'll never make fun of you again. And if they do, you can make fun of them for being pervs and watching us"

Huh, I didn't think of that

"Yeah", I laugh, moving my arm around her, sliding my fingers in her hair, playing with the sweaty strands

I gaze at her lovingly, not wanting to take my eyes off her face and overjoyed that she's looking at me the same way

"I love you so much Jongho", she says softly

"I love you so much Joanne", I tell her, "You're the best thing that's happened to me"

I mean that

Aside from being an idol, she's is the best thing that's happened to me

Hands down

"I know how you feel Jonghie. You're the best thing that's happened to me", she says, "I've had boyfriends before but fuck, I've never loved any the way I love you. You're my whole world baby. I never want to be without you"

I shake my head, "You don't have to baby. I'm never going to be without you. I promise. You're mine. Always"

She nods, a soft smile on her face, "You're mine. Always"

Leaning to her, we kiss softly, in a kiss full of love

[the1975attheirverybest]

Good morning darling 🌞

I'm sooooo looking forward to hearing all about last night! You saw Carly AND Tim, and heard YOU 😭

It must have been amazing

🌷🌷

Hiiii babe 🩷

It was SO SO GOOD!!! The boys were so confident in their work like you could tell every single second was thought of and accounted for. Matty looked stunningggg. Ok this is gonna be long I’m sorry so yeah.

I remember taking notice of different things during different songs. Like Happiness and Too Shy? They just belongggg to John Waugh. That saxophone hits me in my soul. You know when matty says “my soul got this feelin”? I got that same feelin about the sax.

George? Heart Out. He made all of MSG vibrate with his drums. He crushed it during The Sound too.

Ross? Change of Heart and People. He jams out during People it’s so so sexyyyy. He was really into doing Chocolate last night idk why. I guess I do. If you’d asked me before the show, I never would’ve put chocolate on my dream setlist. But having heard it live? 100000x better. And Matty’s cute and sassy “1,2,3,4 fuck it up, let’s go” is so attractive ugh.

Polly honestly wins everything just by being there but of course JC2005. Even matty is in awe of her during that song. The one time he doesn’t hog the attention is when Polly is singing.

Hann. He’s the unsung hero of literally everything. But like Sex and It’s Not Living just wouldn’t work without him.

….and then there’s Matty. Slut.

Got to hear Tim Healy AND Carly on the same night. When Carly came onstage I think I forgot to breathe for a second. Oh and I tried to take wide pics of all of the arena during All I Need To Hear. I don’t think it shows too clearly but everyone instantly put up their phones for him it was so so so cute and wholesome.

See below.

The crowd however….ew. Very stiff. Not a whole lot of dancing. The energy was mid. And the row that I was in? I was the only person dancing. People gave me such weird looks it made me feel a bit weird in the beginning but I decided that it’s not my problem if they’re losers and don’t have enough respect for the magic to dance it out. I’m sure as hell gonna give the show what it deserves.

On one side of me, people talked about Matty’s dick the entireeeee show. On the other side? Two moms whose daughters are in the pit. They didn’t even stand for a SINGLE song. They sat there and were shocked, horrified, scandalized by anything Matty did or said. All the gun references in lyrics. All the blow jobs all the sex jokes. I think they thought they were having the worst fever dream lmaoooo. They did enjoy Tim Healy though haha. They were very into his performance.

Yeah controversial but: Baltimore>>>>>

Sorry but that’s been the best show so far. We’ll see it MSG redeems itself tonight.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Invisibility

I tried to write this post a few days ago, and Tumblr didn't let me post it for an undefined reason, and I was pissed...my post about feeling invisible can't be posted and they can't even tell me why. Fuckers. I'm a writer but I'm just not that into that particular symbolism. But now, maybe it will work and this post will be better because I might make more sense, but I definitely made more connections over a long day with J and my son yesterday. Let's see if I can do this...

OK, so I know every parent brags about their kid (actually they don't, and we'll get to that in a second, but...), but for any of this to make sense, my kid is gifted. I mean, no shit, he is exceptionally bright, and deep and mature for his age, and he hungers and thirsts to learn, and he sort of had a breakthrough in therapy at his last session that part of the problem he's having with his mental health is feeling unchallenged and lied to about what high school would be (he's bored, even in honors/Advanced Placement courses; the best his school has to offer in the line of academic challenge), and also he's having a hard time accepting that he's 'not like other kids.' He's not being bullied for being smart/talented; he's being celebrated, but to him, it all is still reading that he's noticeably different, academically/intellectually, and he actually WANTS to be more invisible. But he can't be. If he's himself...it's clear that he's different and decidedly seen. He just stands very prominently out.

He had a good day yesterday, though. J and I are very proud of him. He's performing in academic competition (to be with his friends and socialize for fun mostly...he doesn't study hard for these competitions...in fact he doesn't study at all; he doesn't put pressure on himself to do well, and J and I don't either...sometimes it's even pretty evident that he's not trying very hard) as a freshman at the same level the brightest seniors in the state are performing. He was the individual regional runner up yesterday in the arts and humanities section (the only freshman in the region to qualify) and a very valuable part of his team qualifying for the state championship tournament in team competition. My brother did this same stuff when he was in high school (but didn't perform this well with this much ease and lack of emphasis on the actual competition). And my dad got really involved for my brother. My dad's involved for my son now too, and since I'm so much older than my brother, some of the other teachers and officials involved remember my dad (and my brother) from their previous participation. A version of the following exchange has happened multiple times since Boy joined the school's competing team:

An old acquaintance of Dad's: Wow, F! Good to see you! You're back!

Dad: Yeah! Boy is my grandson, so I'm helping out at <high school, not the one my brother went to>. (My dad says this with obvious pride on his face and in his voice; he wants everyone to know that Boy is his grandson, because he's Obviously Gifted.)

Acquaintance: <My Brother>'s kid?! (he's too young to have a kid in high school, unless he became a young teenage father, which they'd know about, because that's when they knew my dad and brother)

Dad: No, my daughter's son.

Acquaintance: You have a daughter?

See, my mom did a great job of teaching me that invisible was what I needed to strive to be by being hyper-independent and 'easy' (which I think is the first piece I wrote on this blog...I may repost it here in a bit too). That's what other people wanted from me. So I became invisible. But I've always wanted to be seen. I've spent most of my life hoping people would see me, totally the opposite of my son. The thing is, I achieved (not as much or as easily as my son) in similar ways to my son, but I never got noticed or praised for it. There was always another priority ahead of me with my parents, both of them, not just my mom. Work, my brother, my grandparents, their own hobbies and passions. They needed me to be independent and easy and out of their way; they needed me to not have desires and needs; they needed me to be invisible. I was encouraged not to be noticed, so I wasn't, wanting to please my mom. I achieved at being invisible, because I thought that's what would make them happy. I was definitely successful at being invisible. But my brother achieved and got seen. And my son achieves and gets seen even without wanting to be. But still not me; I've always been invisible.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about The Boy, and his aversion to being seen and receiving positive attention (he gets that from me and J both, for different reasons, I guess; J is just a really humble man, and I'm mistrusting of kindness and have really bad imposter syndrome), and how it seems to bother him when anyone notices him, even for his gifts, almost like he's ashamed of them, whereas when I was a kid (and let's be real, even now as an adult), I just wanted someone to notice me. Something or someone else was always ahead of me in line, boxing me out. And my mom actually said what's probably the most empathetic thing she's ever said to me (30ish years too late for it to land in a helpful way, but still empathy), 'You must have felt invisible.' Yeah, Mom. I did. I still do a lot. I feel like even if I am really busting my ass to achieve something that gets other people noticed, no one notices me. And while I'd prefer my son be grateful for his gifts and be as proud of himself as J and I (and my parents and my brother and his coach and teammates) are of him, I'm glad his problem is with feeling TOO seen instead of invisibility. He actually almost craves invisibility. I'm trying to learn and accept from him that maybe invisibility has advantages. It is, after all, considered a superpower for clear reasons. But I'm glad he's not invisible. He's definitely seen.

And I still want to buy my dad a shirt to wear to the state competition that says, 'He's my daughter's son; I have a daughter too.'

[valentinsylve]

Planners and Pantsers can be Friends

The permission I have been giving myself to back out of plans if I'm not feeling up to things is all well and good; but I had a recent adjustment to the way I approach that, which allows me to be kind to myself and also kind to others.

Here's the pattern I'd developed: The closer a friend was and the less "obligatory" the gathering was, the more I felt OK backing out at the last minute. You know, that text that says "I know we were going to hang out 15 minutes from now but I'm not up to it, sorry, love you" Because work is an obligation and friendship is cake, right?

Anyway, back in September, one of my closest local friends finally texted me with a sincere message asking me to please knock that off. He told me that every time I backed out on plans at the last minute, it hurt his feelings and made me wonder if I was someone he could rely on to be there for him. He was telling me how my behavior pattern made him feel sad and unimportant. He added, "I don't want you to force yourself to go out if you feel like shit, but if you aren't sure you are going to be able to go, I would rather you simply say No when I ask."

What's so important is that this was NOT a guilt trip! This was a really great example of how to confront a friend in good faith about something they do which hurts you. He kept it about his feelings, and not accusing me of being inherently flaky or cruel. I took it to heart, sat quietly with my defensive impulses before responding, and then made it a priority to be more considerate.

I started out by trying to overcompensate, of course. I took a long car ride to meet him at the club (where I live, there is no Club). I had been fighting off some sort of migraine situation, but I went anyway, making sure to eat, hydrate, and take my meds first (they don't make me sleepy). I had a great time for about 45 minutes. Danced, had one drink, kissed a cute girl, enjoyed some drag performances. Then I threw up in the bathroom and had to go home! So. Yeah. Don't force yourself to go when you feel like shit, he had said, and welp!

So we've been through a lot since then, me having a family emergency, him coping with his mother's end of life with all the practicalities and emotional excavation that entails. Even though we were both pretty wiped, we still went on the little vacation we'd been planning for the whole year. He did give me the option to back out the week before, which was gentle. But we went and it was wonderful! We were gentle with ourselves and each other, I only had a couple small meltdowns, we went at a pace which worked for both of us. The upshot is we both got energized and learned that we travel well together. Our friendship is stronger than ever.

So this week, he'd asked me impromptu if I wanted to get dinner after he finished an appointment near my place. I said it sounded good and I'd love to see him, but I didn't want to make a false promise, because it was going to be a busy day of work and errands. I asked if it would be OK for me to say "Not sure right now, but if I decide I can go, I will text you at 6:30 PM." That would be the time his appointment was over, so if he didn't see my message he'd know I wasn't available and he could go catch his bus home or do whatever he wanted without me. He said that sounded like a fine way to do it. So, when I actually got home at 6:55, I texted him saying I'd just gotten in the door, hoped his appointment had gone well, and hoped he would have a lovely evening. He was on the bus and delighted to hear from me even if we hadn't hung out. No one was stressed, no one was hurt.

Friendship is not a job, but it does require "work" in the form of being reliable and thoughtful. Everything we care about should be treated with active care. Friends who support our needs are treasure. I should treat them as kindly as they treat me, with respect for how we differ. Showing up for each other is a process of checking in and understanding limits with appreciation and respect, and being true. This is how we can best be free.